Cool Slideshows

.TAGBOARD.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Dear Diary,
Just what is the meaning of life? I was feeling emo so I went to google it. Funny isnt it?

We're all as insignificant as grains of dust in the grand cosmic scheme of things, all created randomly, leading random lives, and that our existence, or lack of, doesn't affect anything. This isn't a negative view---it's an extremely positive and uplifting one. Thinking this viewpoint (assuming it's a relatively correct one) as negative would imply there's something about our place in this Universe that is not satisfactory. Why not accept who we are? I think it behooves us to remove any conditioning that makes us think we're more special than we really are. Only then will be content with who we are and perhaps then able to truly feel alive as a human being.

More importantly, this view opens all possible doors and makes the choices endless. What this means, s that whatever meaning to life we give is borne out of our own creation. It is artificial but that's okay, as long as we're content when we go through our chaotic and complex life cycle.

While I believe what I say above is true (and there are many different types of arguments on its behalf), I never could specifically answer the question of what the nature of the meaning that we give to life is. I always felt people frantically searching for this meaning and the search was what gave it meaning but yet I felt there was something more than this lack of meaning and the futile search. At first it seemed as though each person's meaning was their own personal thing and finding contentment was what brought meaning to peoples' lives. For example, a mother might find meaning in her life by devoting it to the care of her children; a religious person may find meaning in their life by devoting it to their god; some may find it in the arts, or the sciences, or excelling in some physical activity; and a psychopath may find it by killing other people. No matter how it happens, all of these would/should lead to contentment (and who is one to question or argue what makes one content?).

I think the meaning of life is what you make of it, but what I think this boils down to is doing things that make you realise that you're a living entity, i.e., being alive. For example, having a great meal, going out with friends, or even enjoying a good laugh or a cry. That is when I realise I'm alive. I'm being alive. And that is the meaning of life.

If there is confusion about what I'm writing about (I'll refine it as time goes along), think of it this way: what does it mean to be a rock? Or a planet or a star? Or a table? Or a cloud? Or wind? Or a ray of light? That meaning lies in what each object is, the way it is defined and characterised, the way it exists. The meaning of "a ray of light" is just that---being a ray of light. Likewise, the meaning of life is just that---being alive.

Now, of course, one could argue that every moment in our lives is spent being alive. Yet, perhaps because of the way our brains are structured, perhaps because we have some form of self-awareness, we might not necessarily realise it at all points in time. And if we don't realise it for long enough periods, we're not being alive---we're being something else. We lose the passion for life and although we're creatures that are alive, our lives take on a different meaning.

So different people may indeed have an idea of what things to do that make them aware they're alive, but if the things they do don't succeed in this regard, then they may feel their lives lack meaning. Religion, and other institutions, promise this awareness, but my view is that they generally fail (and when they do succeed, more power to them!). I think not being alive, i.e., not doing things that make you aware that you're alive, including allowing yourself to be objectified (you can see why existentialists spent so much thought on this issue), leads to discontentment, forlornness, nausea, and all the other pseudointellectual garbage that existential philosophers talked about.

A reader pointed out to me that the meaning of life is simply the biological imperative to transfer our genetic code. This is line with Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene, where we're just vessels to propagate our genes and every action we undertaking (including the writing of this missive). I have no philosophical objection against this view (just go to a bar and you'll see evolution in action). I guess my missive above implicitly accepts the genetic framework and then as humans who are sentient and conscious beings, we have somewhat of a "choice" to derive more meaning, but there really isn't any (i.e., it's all chance anyway).

no one can put it better than Ram Samudrala.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Dear Diary,
This world is too material. U can be an idealist all you want, but at the end of the day, I will be sitting down at the kopi tiam near your house and watching you pick and choose your choice of dinner.
Suddenly it struck me.
Why not use Heartbeats as currency.

I know this might sound absurd and make me an idiot with nothing better to do. But think about it.
Let say you are given like X amount of heart beats in your life. Where everyone has the same amount.
Every since you are born, you start the countdown of your life. With a digital watch to keep count.
Want something to drink or eat? pay 2 heartbeats.
Want something Better? Pay 5 heartbeats.

If thats the case, What would you do. Not eat? most uncertainly.
Most importantly would you bother living at all, watching those numbers tick would drive ppl mad. But wont it add so much more meaning to whatever you are doing.
This way everything is worth something close and valuable to you.

Want a sports car? pay 10000 for it. Would you??
Musnt you consider the people that made the car? how much heartbeats and sweat they wasted to manufacture it.
Or worst. Would people even work? No one would pay you. With what?? You cant give heartbeats away??


Would you go play soccer, knowing that your heart would pound faster.
Would you go watch a action pack movie, knowing the adrenaline would just make your heart pump faster.
Would you Fall in love??
Knowing that this girl would take your breath away and your heart races each time she is near.
Sex would be out of the question then.

Because in this world, you never take. All you do is Give. Would you then be selfish and only think about conserving your own heartbeats or would you try your very best to influence your surroundings and other people's life. Would you want to make an impact/a difference?
I cant imagine a world like this.
Would there still be Buildings, roads and infrastructure?

If you ask me? I would go all out to live my life. Trying not to waste a single heartbeat, this way I could really life my life to the fullest because this time, I can measure "fullest".

And I would gladly give my heartbeats to the girl I love dearly.
At the end of it all, during my last 100 heart beats, I want to be sitting down at home. With a glass of orange juice, with my wife and kids. And I would tell them that All this was worth every single heartbeat.

*p.s ok maybe not the times that I wasted heartbeats in the toilet shitting.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Dear Diary,
I knew this girl some time back.
I hated her ways, her behavior, her mannerism.
I hated how she influenced me.
I hated her because she didn't allow me to forget her.

How is hate and love ever the same?
Hate is totally the opposite of Love.
Yet you hate someone whom you really want to love but at the same time someone whom you cannot.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Dear Diary,
I am feeling as though I am losing something. Something very important. Most people dont know it and are oblivious to it. Its like not knowing if there are actually mis-spelled words in the dictionary. I am special for now, I posses great power. But soon all this is going to be taken away from me by The world.
This gift was given, bestowed to me since birth. Never a curse. Its as though I was born a super hero. Unfortunately as time goes by, its a struggle to never give up this power. But ironically its this struggle that is making me lose it. Helpless.
Whats this gift again??
Well its simply the power of Youth. And the more I fight it, the more I realise that I am never going to get it back. Scary isnt it?

So what is it that makes me a Super hero. Its so wonderful.
1) I hope.
2) I dream.
3) I believe.
All 3 holds similar yet so Different meaning all together. Its these 3 abilities that make me invulnerable to the world. To put it bluntly, I can just show the finger to the world, and never give a toss to anyone.

Hope maybe the world's greatest lie, but to me. Its the greatest lie there is.

Dreams maybe just dreams, but try telling that to the kid who dreams of being an astronaut one day.When I was younger I borrowed books from the library regarding space travels and planets all the time. Its magical and theres nothing else to it. In my dreams, I could fly like superman and swing around tall buildings like Spiderman.

Believe. Well if my parents kiss me to bed and tell me the world tomorrow is going to be a better place. I believe. My parents told me that there are monsters under my bed, I believed. Just like being told that your late grandfather has gone to somewhere far far away, somewhere where the everyone is happy and they have chocolate milk shakes for breakfast everyday. I believed. You know all theses are fake but I believed. And its just as real as falling asleep next to the Christmas tree waiting for Santa Claus.

I know I am safe. If the thunder roars and lighting strikes at night, in my parents bed I go and all will be fine. If I fall from the bicycle, crying with a bruised knee, my mum would come running with a tissue, kissing me on the forehead and all will be fine. When I broke up with my girlfriend, my mother put her arms around me and said it was ok. Just by her saying it makes it all better.

I go to school, trying to get ready to face the world. But school never really teaches you to tackle the world. Maths and science. They teach you that failing and passing are bad. Score well is the only good. I have failed many tests and exams. Did badly for some. But I guess its ok, I am still learning after all. To me school only teaches you to fear the world.
I had my first love in school.
Its during youthful days that Love was so pure and innocent. When young boys and girls blush by holding hands. Your first kiss, there is none like it. Its just you and me in the world of our own. Never was there the involvement of sex, money and affairs. Never it was about living together and discovering that he or she actually squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and not the bottom.
Its during youthful days that friends are forever. Bff. No backstabbing or gaining from other people's demise. Arguments are all forgotten by a simple handshake or after a good night's sleeping. Pretending that It all didnt happen.

Money? What money, I think my parents have them. I never know what it was literally.

I see a future whereby I become powerless. Slowing being pushed to a place whereby at the door, theres a sign that says. "Its a jungle out there, survive or die"
Just like going to kindergarten for the first time and watching your mother wave goodbye while you cry. But strangely after crying for sometime, you know what you had to do so you turned around and walked through the door. Just that this time the school bell doesn't ring and no one is going to be taking you home in the afternoon.
The castles you once built are washed away from the sea and rainbows only seem to just appear on oil stains.
Its so scary to think that 4 years down the road when you are going back home, you open your letter box. While shuffling through bills and more bills you come across an invitation card to your secondary school friends wedding. Or 5 years down the road where by you suddenly receive a phone call to a class gathering and your ex classmate comes in holding a baby girl.
To think that 6 Years in Primary school was shocking, this is so much worst.
A family to feed.
Bills to pay.
A boss to face in the morning.
Whether your pet fish was being fed.
I think I havnt washed my clothes.
Where did I put the keys.
Is the door locked?
Sigh.
Close your eyes, count to ten, no one to comfort you so you whisper to yourself that tomorrow will be a better day. Not going to happen. You forgot your magic wand is simply a rod wrapped in black paper with a white end, nothing more. Magicians are tricksters. No one to hug you except your favorite stuffed teddy bear you always keep since you were young.
You walk on the street of life and you fall. You get stepped on, pushed over to the side and you will find that there are people just like you, or worst off than you. Its like someone calling your bluff. WAKE UP.

I guess no one could dream, hope, believe forever. Sooner or later the sun will rise and her burning rays would wake you up from slumber. Or worst, your alarm clock rings.

My name is Pek Kim Yew. I am 20 this year. I hope that tomorrow would always be better, I dreamt of being an astronaut, I believed that my grandfather is with Angels and I have a stuffed Pooh bear.
It hurts me so much and I am crying inside. I do not like the view I see, It isn't beautiful and safe.
But I know what I have to do.



Wipe those tears.
Turn around, walk through the door
And hear the door slam shut behind me.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Dear Diary,
Who am I? Who are you? Thats a good question. What gives my name meaning and substance. Pek Kim Yew, 3 letters, 9 alphabets, hack I even throw in a picture. So what exactly makes me, Me?

I am here today to argue the fact that character is actually found on the outside.

For so many years, the life I had lived and the life I am about to live, what have I done that truely defines me. Or have I really even Lived my life, my way.
I am lucky to be born into a well to do family, I have loving parents. But I guess too loving has its side effects, cause and effects. I remember one sentence from the book " For one more day " by Mitch Albom. A child should never have to choose.

Come home straight after school, or else.
I did. Didnt want to get into trouble.

Sleep early, or else.
I did, 8 latest during primary school.

Study hard they said, or else.
I did, at least till I was old enough to fight back against the cane.

Get in ACS(I), or else.
Got into the school next door, FMSS, seen as an inferior.

Science, Biology is THE subject, good for the future they said.
I did. Triple science it was, Biology at A levels.

Guess I didnt really choose much. I was ruled with an iron fist, it was so clear cut, either u follow or else.
Should I thank them for laying this path for me. Well it got me where I am today. I turned out ok, never took drugs or anything illegal. Yeah, guess I turned out fine.
Resistance was futile. Did I want to resist in the first place, was I taught to?

My younger days was dictated by my parents, they chose for me. I lived the life they wanted me to. It was the right thing, it was good for me, for my future. I guess thats the job of parents, the invisible handbook.

From what i see, People are all born lost. Parents put u facing a certain direction. They decide where u should take ur first steps, at least before you could decide what was good or bad. Before ur conscience even existed, they were there, holding you by the hand and telling you this is the way life is.

Parents do it because its only in the early years that you can be shaped. Thats the time when this so called substance can be filled within. Things got to be set right before the clay hardens.
Because once its too late, change usually result in sacrifice, lost and pain.
How about those not so fortunate as me? Those without guidance. Look where they end up, still lost and left behind by society. Of course there are exceptions, but even exceptions need some sort of guidance.

My parents arnt the only strict ones around, which parents do not want their kid to grow up to be smart, good looking and ultimately be a doctor or lawyer. Anything other than that is all compromise. Surely they are other parents out there with similar teachings. Do their kids end up to have similar characters as me? definitely.

Zodiacs and horoscopes all classifies people into their different characteristics. Moreover the reason why we have friends is because we often sort for "Like-minded" people. Birds of the same feather indeed congregate together. So on one hand my parents did influence me into becoming what I am today but then, there are others like me.

LoL so what really makes me, Me? If you cut a square from a piece of paper. Using the same technique is only going to give you more squares. All tigress bring up their cubs the same way, just like all animals.

So wheres this "character" everyone is talking about. All the bullshit about something within your heart and soul. Sadly in my opinion, this has long became a myth.
What defines me ironically can be too, clearly listed.

1) looks
2) the way I talk
3) the way I dress
4) the way I walk
5) the way I eat
6) the way I sleep
7) the movies I like to watch
8) the food I like to eat
9) the color I like
etc etc

Countless of surveys telling you that U are what u eat, the color you like reflects who u are etc.
And this is so true. Its in the little things. These daily things are who I am. Not because I was brought up a certain way. Who am I? Who are you?
Ans the above questions urself and you will find out. No need for soul searching, why bother.

Like they say, The answer is out there. Who the Fuck says it was in there???????

.MY PROFILE.

HEY, CHECK ME OUT!
.
Click to MAIL

.ARCHIVE.

December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
June 2006
August 2006
October 2006
November 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
June 2007
April 2008

.MY LINKS.
Eu Liang friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend

.CREDITS.
Blogger
Blogskins

.WISHES.

1)one
2)two
3)three
4)four
5)five
6)six
7)seven
8)eight

shout

life

links

me

archives

wishlist