Pekky's 101

2008-04-28T11:04:00.001-07:00

hehe

2007-06-30T02:19:00.000-07:00

Random Thoughts

2007-06-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
Just what is the meaning of life? I was feeling emo so I went to google it. Funny isnt it?

We're all as insignificant as grains of dust in the grand cosmic scheme of things, all created randomly, leading random lives, and that our existence, or lack of, doesn't affect anything. This isn't a negative view---it's an extremely positive and uplifting one. Thinking this viewpoint (assuming it's a relatively correct one) as negative would imply there's something about our place in this Universe that is not satisfactory. Why not accept who we are? I think it behooves us to remove any conditioning that makes us think we're more special than we really are. Only then will be content with who we are and perhaps then able to truly feel alive as a human being.

More importantly, this view opens all possible doors and makes the choices endless. What this means, s that whatever meaning to life we give is borne out of our own creation. It is artificial but that's okay, as long as we're content when we go through our chaotic and complex life cycle.

While I believe what I say above is true (and there are many different types of arguments on its behalf), I never could specifically answer the question of what the nature of the meaning that we give to life is. I always felt people frantically searching for this meaning and the search was what gave it meaning but yet I felt there was something more than this lack of meaning and the futile search. At first it seemed as though each person's meaning was their own personal thing and finding contentment was what brought meaning to peoples' lives. For example, a mother might find meaning in her life by devoting it to the care of her children; a religious person may find meaning in their life by devoting it to their god; some may find it in the arts, or the sciences, or excelling in some physical activity; and a psychopath may find it by killing other people. No matter how it happens, all of these would/should lead to contentment (and who is one to question or argue what makes one content?).

I think the meaning of life is what you make of it, but what I think this boils down to is doing things that make you realise that you're a living entity, i.e., being alive. For example, having a great meal, going out with friends, or even enjoying a good laugh or a cry. That is when I realise I'm alive. I'm being alive. And that is the meaning of life.

If there is confusion about what I'm writing about (I'll refine it as time goes along), think of it this way: what does it mean to be a rock? Or a planet or a star? Or a table? Or a cloud? Or wind? Or a ray of light? That meaning lies in what each object is, the way it is defined and characterised, the way it exists. The meaning of "a ray of light" is just that---being a ray of light. Likewise, the meaning of life is just that---being alive.

Now, of course, one could argue that every moment in our lives is spent being alive. Yet, perhaps because of the way our brains are structured, perhaps because we have some form of self-awareness, we might not necessarily realise it at all points in time. And if we don't realise it for long enough periods, we're not being alive---we're being something else. We lose the passion for life and although we're creatures that are alive, our lives take on a different meaning.

So different people may indeed have an idea of what things to do that make them aware they're alive, but if the things they do don't succeed in this regard, then they may feel their lives lack meaning. Religion, and other institutions, promise this awareness, but my view is that they generally fail (and when they do succeed, more power to them!). I think not being alive, i.e., not doing things that make you aware that you're alive, including allowing yourself to be objectified (you can see why existentialists spent so much thought on this issue), leads to discontentment, forlornness, nausea, and all the other pseudointellectual garbage that existential philosophers talked about.

A reader pointed out to me that the meaning of life is simply the biological imperative to transfer our genetic code. This is line with Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene, where we're just vessels to propagate our genes and every action we undertaking (including the writing of this missive). I have no philosophical objection against this view (just go to a bar and you'll see evolution in action). I guess my missive above implicitly accepts the genetic framework and then as humans who are sentient and conscious beings, we have somewhat of a "choice" to derive more meaning, but there really isn't any (i.e., it's all chance anyway).

no one can put it better than Ram Samudrala.

Random Thoughts

2007-06-17T04:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
This world is too material. U can be an idealist all you want, but at the end of the day, I will be sitting down at the kopi tiam near your house and watching you pick and choose your choice of dinner.
Suddenly it struck me.
Why not use Heartbeats as currency.

I know this might sound absurd and make me an idiot with nothing better to do. But think about it.
Let say you are given like X amount of heart beats in your life. Where everyone has the same amount.
Every since you are born, you start the countdown of your life. With a digital watch to keep count.
Want something to drink or eat? pay 2 heartbeats.
Want something Better? Pay 5 heartbeats.

If thats the case, What would you do. Not eat? most uncertainly.
Most importantly would you bother living at all, watching those numbers tick would drive ppl mad. But wont it add so much more meaning to whatever you are doing.
This way everything is worth something close and valuable to you.

Want a sports car? pay 10000 for it. Would you??
Musnt you consider the people that made the car? how much heartbeats and sweat they wasted to manufacture it.
Or worst. Would people even work? No one would pay you. With what?? You cant give heartbeats away??

Would you go play soccer, knowing that your heart would pound faster.
Would you go watch a action pack movie, knowing the adrenaline would just make your heart pump faster.
Would you Fall in love??
Knowing that this girl would take your breath away and your heart races each time she is near.
Sex would be out of the question then.

Because in this world, you never take. All you do is Give. Would you then be selfish and only think about conserving your own heartbeats or would you try your very best to influence your surroundings and other people's life. Would you want to make an impact/a difference?
I cant imagine a world like this.
Would there still be Buildings, roads and infrastructure?

If you ask me? I would go all out to live my life. Trying not to waste a single heartbeat, this way I could really life my life to the fullest because this time, I can measure "fullest".

And I would gladly give my heartbeats to the girl I love dearly.
At the end of it all, during my last 100 heart beats, I want to be sitting down at home. With a glass of orange juice, with my wife and kids. And I would tell them that All this was worth every single heartbeat.

*p.s ok maybe not the times that I wasted heartbeats in the toilet shitting.

The Beginning (part 22)

2007-04-28T04:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
I knew this girl some time back.
I hated her ways, her behavior, her mannerism.
I hated how she influenced me.
I hated her because she didn't allow me to forget her.

How is hate and love ever the same?
Hate is totally the opposite of Love.
Yet you hate someone whom you really want to love but at the same time someone whom you cannot.

Random Thoughts

2007-03-17T19:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
I am feeling as though I am losing something. Something very important. Most people dont know it and are oblivious to it. Its like not knowing if there are actually mis-spelled words in the dictionary. I am special for now, I posses great power. But soon all this is going to be taken away from me by The world.
This gift was given, bestowed to me since birth. Never a curse. Its as though I was born a super hero. Unfortunately as time goes by, its a struggle to never give up this power. But ironically its this struggle that is making me lose it. Helpless.
Whats this gift again??
Well its simply the power of Youth. And the more I fight it, the more I realise that I am never going to get it back. Scary isnt it?

So what is it that makes me a Super hero. Its so wonderful.
1) I hope.
2) I dream.
3) I believe.
All 3 holds similar yet so Different meaning all together. Its these 3 abilities that make me invulnerable to the world. To put it bluntly, I can just show the finger to the world, and never give a toss to anyone.

Hope maybe the world's greatest lie, but to me. Its the greatest lie there is.

Dreams maybe just dreams, but try telling that to the kid who dreams of being an astronaut one day.When I was younger I borrowed books from the library regarding space travels and planets all the time. Its magical and theres nothing else to it. In my dreams, I could fly like superman and swing around tall buildings like Spiderman.

Believe. Well if my parents kiss me to bed and tell me the world tomorrow is going to be a better place. I believe. My parents told me that there are monsters under my bed, I believed. Just like being told that your late grandfather has gone to somewhere far far away, somewhere where the everyone is happy and they have chocolate milk shakes for breakfast everyday. I believed. You know all theses are fake but I believed. And its just as real as falling asleep next to the Christmas tree waiting for Santa Claus.

I know I am safe. If the thunder roars and lighting strikes at night, in my parents bed I go and all will be fine. If I fall from the bicycle, crying with a bruised knee, my mum would come running with a tissue, kissing me on the forehead and all will be fine. When I broke up with my girlfriend, my mother put her arms around me and said it was ok. Just by her saying it makes it all better.

I go to school, trying to get ready to face the world. But school never really teaches you to tackle the world. Maths and science. They teach you that failing and passing are bad. Score well is the only good. I have failed many tests and exams. Did badly for some. But I guess its ok, I am still learning after all. To me school only teaches you to fear the world.
I had my first love in school.
Its during youthful days that Love was so pure and innocent. When young boys and girls blush by holding hands. Your first kiss, there is none like it. Its just you and me in the world of our own. Never was there the involvement of sex, money and affairs. Never it was about living together and discovering that he or she actually squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and not the bottom.
Its during youthful days that friends are forever. Bff. No backstabbing or gaining from other people's demise. Arguments are all forgotten by a simple handshake or after a good night's sleeping. Pretending that It all didnt happen.

Money? What money, I think my parents have them. I never know what it was literally.

I see a future whereby I become powerless. Slowing being pushed to a place whereby at the door, theres a sign that says. "Its a jungle out there, survive or die"
Just like going to kindergarten for the first time and watching your mother wave goodbye while you cry. But strangely after crying for sometime, you know what you had to do so you turned around and walked through the door. Just that this time the school bell doesn't ring and no one is going to be taking you home in the afternoon.
The castles you once built are washed away from the sea and rainbows only seem to just appear on oil stains.
Its so scary to think that 4 years down the road when you are going back home, you open your letter box. While shuffling through bills and more bills you come across an invitation card to your secondary school friends wedding. Or 5 years down the road where by you suddenly receive a phone call to a class gathering and your ex classmate comes in holding a baby girl.
To think that 6 Years in Primary school was shocking, this is so much worst.
A family to feed.
Bills to pay.
A boss to face in the morning.
Whether your pet fish was being fed.
I think I havnt washed my clothes.
Where did I put the keys.
Is the door locked?
Sigh.
Close your eyes, count to ten, no one to comfort you so you whisper to yourself that tomorrow will be a better day. Not going to happen. You forgot your magic wand is simply a rod wrapped in black paper with a white end, nothing more. Magicians are tricksters. No one to hug you except your favorite stuffed teddy bear you always keep since you were young.
You walk on the street of life and you fall. You get stepped on, pushed over to the side and you will find that there are people just like you, or worst off than you. Its like someone calling your bluff. WAKE UP.

I guess no one could dream, hope, believe forever. Sooner or later the sun will rise and her burning rays would wake you up from slumber. Or worst, your alarm clock rings.

My name is Pek Kim Yew. I am 20 this year. I hope that tomorrow would always be better, I dreamt of being an astronaut, I believed that my grandfather is with Angels and I have a stuffed Pooh bear.
It hurts me so much and I am crying inside. I do not like the view I see, It isn't beautiful and safe.
But I know what I have to do.

Wipe those tears.
Turn around, walk through the door
And hear the door slam shut behind me.

Random Thoughts

2007-02-20T05:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
Who am I? Who are you? Thats a good question. What gives my name meaning and substance. Pek Kim Yew, 3 letters, 9 alphabets, hack I even throw in a picture. So what exactly makes me, Me?

I am here today to argue the fact that character is actually found on the outside.

For so many years, the life I had lived and the life I am about to live, what have I done that truely defines me. Or have I really even Lived my life, my way.
I am lucky to be born into a well to do family, I have loving parents. But I guess too loving has its side effects, cause and effects. I remember one sentence from the book " For one more day " by Mitch Albom. A child should never have to choose.

Come home straight after school, or else.
I did. Didnt want to get into trouble.

Sleep early, or else.
I did, 8 latest during primary school.

Study hard they said, or else.
I did, at least till I was old enough to fight back against the cane.

Get in ACS(I), or else.
Got into the school next door, FMSS, seen as an inferior.

Science, Biology is THE subject, good for the future they said.
I did. Triple science it was, Biology at A levels.

Guess I didnt really choose much. I was ruled with an iron fist, it was so clear cut, either u follow or else.
Should I thank them for laying this path for me. Well it got me where I am today. I turned out ok, never took drugs or anything illegal. Yeah, guess I turned out fine.
Resistance was futile. Did I want to resist in the first place, was I taught to?

My younger days was dictated by my parents, they chose for me. I lived the life they wanted me to. It was the right thing, it was good for me, for my future. I guess thats the job of parents, the invisible handbook.

From what i see, People are all born lost. Parents put u facing a certain direction. They decide where u should take ur first steps, at least before you could decide what was good or bad. Before ur conscience even existed, they were there, holding you by the hand and telling you this is the way life is.

Parents do it because its only in the early years that you can be shaped. Thats the time when this so called substance can be filled within. Things got to be set right before the clay hardens.
Because once its too late, change usually result in sacrifice, lost and pain.
How about those not so fortunate as me? Those without guidance. Look where they end up, still lost and left behind by society. Of course there are exceptions, but even exceptions need some sort of guidance.

My parents arnt the only strict ones around, which parents do not want their kid to grow up to be smart, good looking and ultimately be a doctor or lawyer. Anything other than that is all compromise. Surely they are other parents out there with similar teachings. Do their kids end up to have similar characters as me? definitely.

Zodiacs and horoscopes all classifies people into their different characteristics. Moreover the reason why we have friends is because we often sort for "Like-minded" people. Birds of the same feather indeed congregate together. So on one hand my parents did influence me into becoming what I am today but then, there are others like me.

LoL so what really makes me, Me? If you cut a square from a piece of paper. Using the same technique is only going to give you more squares. All tigress bring up their cubs the same way, just like all animals.

So wheres this "character" everyone is talking about. All the bullshit about something within your heart and soul. Sadly in my opinion, this has long became a myth.
What defines me ironically can be too, clearly listed.

1) looks
2) the way I talk
3) the way I dress
4) the way I walk
5) the way I eat
6) the way I sleep
7) the movies I like to watch
8) the food I like to eat
9) the color I like
etc etc

Countless of surveys telling you that U are what u eat, the color you like reflects who u are etc.
And this is so true. Its in the little things. These daily things are who I am. Not because I was brought up a certain way. Who am I? Who are you?
Ans the above questions urself and you will find out. No need for soul searching, why bother.

Like they say, The answer is out there. Who the Fuck says it was in there???????

The Beginning (part 21)

2007-01-02T05:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
Happy New Year. Guess I have to start getting used to writing 07 on my dates, especially in the army. Lets see 2006, isnt my favorite year. Got back sucky A level results, Got into the army, still single, blah blah blah the list goes on. Didnt have much of a life in 2006, I have the government to blame for that. Dont let me get started on those self proclaim righteous people. In my book, they rank lowest in terms of intellect or anything that has to do with the capacity for rational thought. They bring the a whole new meaning to the oxymoron "military intelligence" . Fighting for the freedom of our nation?Wait wait what is "Freedom", I am so sorry my mind cannot compute that alien term. Urgh I am all emo-ed up~! kk no more.

Since I energised my emo meter, its time for an emo post.
Dang dang dang... Get ur Tissue Boxes ready. As for me? Lets just say I have shed more than enought tears on this one.
_________________________________________________________________

Back in Singapore at last. Damn I do really miss that golf resort in Malaysia. Thats cause I am staring at the pile of homework yet left undone and all I had was a few days. Sigh. No choice, time for phone calls. Immediate action needs to be carried out. Operation "photocopy" commence!
Ok you do this worksheed, I do that one. Wait you do that one too, I just err compile haha. So we meet at whose house? No we are not copying!!! No no We DO NOT, i repeat WE DO NOT TOLERATE COPYING OTHER PEOPLES HARD WORK, i mean HOMEWORK!!
Our work here is call Reference, we Refer. Thats y theres a Reference section in the library. We Refer each others' WORK, so we KNOW what we are MISSING in our WORK. Get it?
Dont play guilty with me, you know YOU WANT TO REFER. Would you rather spend 10 hrs Cracking ur head on stupid maths question or the alternative. 2 hrs max, and then we can spend the nxt 8 hrs going for movies, playing lan, going orchard to see see look look and still have time to watch television.
My thoughts exactly. So what are we waiting for??? Time, Place comfirm please.

Phew~~~~

But this entry isnt about HOMEWORK, awwww...
WTF dont touch that square at the corner with a X.

I remember I was in Charles house, on a Sunday. I remember so clearly, I was there sitting infront of his sister computer trying to install my new game "Summoner". Last time i check I had a Girlfriend. Someone I adored, guess I was too busy with homework and enjoying myself that I kind of neglected her. My conscience caught up with me so I decided to give her a call. Thats when I found out u needed to key in a freaking password or something to call from charles phone LOL.
Anywae She picked up, however she had another person on the line. Joanne was on the other line. Both of them were discussing about something so she couldnt talk to me. Fair enough.
*take note of this paragraph*

School reopened. Yes no matter how hard we wished it didnt reopen, that cause was just as useless as stopping the sun from rising. The first day of the week. Went to school, looked up to find a familiar face staring down every morning. She wasnt there at the corridoor.
The day feels so normal, till recess...
Yay can go and find her, ask her about her holiday. I remember her telling me that she brought our ring to her GB camp and she was happy to show it off to her friends. Maybe I would ask her about that. Missed that familiar fragrance. She wasnt there at the canteen.

Met Joanne though. Wished I had not met her that day.
She called me to one side, showed me this postcard. From her? yes.
Many words, so I did a quick glance. Searching for Keywords. Not good.
Words to me to be summarised as "think we should not see each other anymore", "need to study","hope you understand".

Bullets could kill you, yet words could do so much more than just kill. They tear you apart. They tore my heart apart.

I took it all in, even better, at least I managed to say thanks for showing it to me. Joanne asked if I was ok. Even If I said I was fine, Anyone could tell by the tone of my voice that it was a lie.
I saw this coming, I wasnt surprised. I wasnt the best boyfriend to her, especially to the end, she has every right to do what she just did.
But I guess actually doing it was another thing altogether.

Didnt really tell anyone, People couldnt have guessed it wrong anyway. My face carried sadness, disconsolateness and misery. Not to mention the "Fuck off, I am emo" on my forehead. Lessons didnt matter. I remember Cassandra comforting me, she was sitting beside me as people walked pass giving me the pitiful look.

Nah I didnt cry. Not in school, not there, not then. I went home, in agony. I never felt so alone.

I tried so hard not to cry, not to let my family know. Which child could ever lie to their mother. She saw through it immediately. She didnt say much, all she did was touch my head and say "its ok". I wanted to hug her and cry, but then again, I dont do such things. Maybe she knew I wanted to. Maybe.
The final straw came when somehow my brother knew about it. I remember that night he teased me about it, laughed at me, mocked me.
I cried.
I wonder why did I cry?
Was it because I knew I could have treated her better? If so then she wouldnt have left.
Was it because the relationship we had was to me, magical? Thats why it hurt so bad.
Too bad, it was both.

I guess it hurts so bad because...

I really did love her.

The Beginning (part 20)

2006-11-25T03:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
The sec 3 level camp was one of the most memorable event in my 4 years of FMSS. My picture even made it to the year book even if was just me carrying chairs. And I remember this stupid game called Trust Fall where by u fall backwards and trust ur fren to catch you, scary sia, lucky I got good frens but I am sure seeing my fall would entertain them even more hmmm...

One very interesting thing happen during the camp. No No this didnt happen on me, fortunately or unfortunately. But apparently I Heard, I stress again ah " I HEARD " that one of my classmate
[ I shall not name who ] gave a Blow job to her good friend while we were away attending lecture.
OOOO my innocent ears and this sucks, the rest of us were trying so hard to stay awake at those boring leadership lectures and somewhere in the chalet there were 2 people happily blowing each other. How unfair *ahem
Well, you have to forgive the curiosity of the young to explore the birds and the bees.

The other memorable thing I remembered was one night, I forgot which night. It was after the evening Lecture and we were all walking up the slope back to our vilas.
I remember I was walking with Cassandra, talking, joking, laughing all the way up. I am still attached to Chrystal by the way, but somehow I am kinda attracted and fond of Cassandra, Yes she is the mysterious Girl I was talking about a few post back. I met her only this year when I got into Class 3A, never really knew she existed till then.
After sometime She seems to have this magnetic effect on me, the more I interact, the More Magnetise I am with respect to her. Shes this high spirited, bubbly, witty character and most of all seeing her laugh at my jokes just puts a smile on my face. Amazing. [ More about her to come in the nxt episode ]

Wait! But I shouldnt be thinking of such things! I am attached grrr.

On the same night the whole class was suppose to discuss about our little skit and so we ended up at one of the guys vilas. Didnt do much planning though, just talking and talking and more talking. Things became boring so I searched around for Cassandra, she just poped into my mind somehow hmmm. My search ended upstairs to a locked room where she and Daniel were having a chat, no suprise, they are good friends and seriously the whole planning thingy was boring. Thanks to my Thick Skin I kinda asked if I could join in, of course they didnt reject Duh, I am their friend after all. Think I was interrupting them though =p so sorry ><

We were chit-ing and chating, then all of a sudden I just grabbed a pillow, rest it on her lap and just lay my head on top of it.Indirectly resting on her lap la. Quite out of point but wtf, I did it anywae.

OMG power, didnt know I dared to do something like that. OMG I actually did that, seriously WOW.

I enjoyed it lehz, just laying there listening to her talk, so comfortable. Bit by bit trying to adjust my head nearer to her. Did she touch my hair? Hmmm maybe, I forgot. Wa that moment, that feeling, Wished that night didnt end. Missed it so much. My first time. Wonder what she was thinking when I did that, Wonder if she still remembers this. Anywae that night ended 15 minutes later when it was too late and time to go back to our respective vilas to sleep. What a Night. Cassandra hmmmmm, left a good impression.

The rest of the days left in the resort however werent so interesting, we had this DISC test and guess what? I am a HIGH I, that means I like to talk and socialise alot. Not suprising, I can talk alot ^^ but DO not forget about my sensitive and reserved side of me, Quite emo at times.

Anywae the journey back was mirror image of the trip there. I remember we were the last class to leave the resort and our bus got delayed like for an hour. During that time Ganesan Treated us to ICE CREAM wahahahaha. I am going to miss that place, dont know if I ever will see that place again. Then again that place is in my heart all this time so it aint going anywae for as long as I can remember.

*hope Cass doesnt mind me talking about her. She is special to me after all, will always be.

Pek OUT~!

Random Thoughts

2006-11-11T06:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Been a long time since I pen something down or in this modern age keyboard? LoL
kk since u heard from me my 24 reasons of love, heres another 24 reasons of err Life?

1. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile.

2. There are moments in life when you really miss someone that you want to pick them up from your dreams and hug them. Hope you dream of that someone.

3. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life.

4. May you have...Enough happiness to make you sweet
Enough trials to make you strong
Enough sorrow to keep you human
Enough hope to make you happy
And enough money to keep you comfortable.

5. When one door of happiness closes, another opens. But we often took so long at the closed door, that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

6. The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a sofa, slack with, never saying a word and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had.

7. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

8. Always put yourself in other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle a strife;
A cruel word may wreck a life
A timely word may level stress
A lovely word may heal and bless.

10. The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them with our own image, otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

11. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along the way.

12. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we should know how to be grateful for that gift.

13. It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

14. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

15. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, the romance and find out you still care for that person.

16. A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.

17. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear.

18. Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, need to love those who still love, even though they've been hurt before.

19. It hurts to love someone, and not to be loved in return but what is most painful is to love someone and never finds the courage to let the person know how you feel.

20. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

21. Never say goodbye when you still want to try;
Never give up when you still feel you can take it;
Never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go.

22. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

23. There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don't be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart.

24. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life to the fullest so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone
around you is crying.

Hope u Like it ^^

Death In the Family

2006-10-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

My Grandfather died On Saturday 7 OCT at 2120, Just one day After my Birthday.
Maybe God is Trying to send me a message or maybe He just have a really bad sense of humour.
I was playing WOW when my father shouted from behind the news, I seriously thought he was pulling my leg. I could barely hear him through my headphones and I could have heard it all wrong.
I Shouted back "ya right he died".
Then I turned around and saw the expression on my parents faces... Time Stopped...
My mum didnt cry, she was busy informing her sisters.
My grandpa died with none of his children at his side.

This aint funny anymore.

Random Thoughts

2006-10-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

The Beginning (part 19)

2006-08-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Now this is getting kind of boring. I ask myself everytime I scroll past my bookmarked websites, whether I should continue writing... Then I remember this lame advertisement about the Navy, where this guy saw that his life was showing in the cinemas. LoL, now picture my life being shown in the movies. Wonder if anyone is really interested in watching my life. Then again, I personally feel that Life is only Meaningless till u die. If I were to walk through the gates of binding light and watch my life flash past my own eyes, Maybe I would just shout out loud, HAVENT YOU READ MY BLOG??
Well at least this beats looking in the mirror and relating my life story to myself. That would be weird, and when that happens, I better consult a doctor before its too late.
________________________________________________________________________________________

Ok back to the sec3 level camp. Back to the days when I still had center parting. You should see me then, Like some Chao ah Beng. Some more to keep my hair as stylo as it was back then ( to me ), I needed the help the Hairband! Who says using Hairband is only for girls! Duh~! Of course my trusty black hairband that cost me $1 from my neighbourhood store was part of my packing list for my trip to Malaysia. Well I bought it on my way when buying dinner back for my Mother. It talks alot of skill to mould that ridicules 'M' shape on my forehead. Farking retarded seriously. I spent like 10-15 min infront of the mirror, trying to "balance" both sides. Gel! a must have in my bathroom, and always one arms length away, or if need be, in my bag when I am in school. I think I must have watched too much drama shows. I keep flicking my hair, brushing my fingerins through my hair every now and then. "Cool mah" =.= _!_
Want to touch my hair? I will chop of that hand of yours, and the other one just incase U used that one to touch. Grrr
"Cher may I go toilet?" translates to "Shit I think my hair needs some adjustment"
I keep losing combs, not to mention breaking them everytime I sit down. Oh and sleeping that time MUST BEWARE, cannot sleep with hair still wet, unless U want to wake up to find some part of ur hair tilted and an acute angle for the rest of the day. Remember to position ur head nicely so that you dont accidently bend ur hair. What utter nonesense =.=

Those were the days... "Back when policeman still wear shorts"

Back to the CAMP *Ahem. As I said, it was some golf resort. The journey there was somewhat boring/finding ways to entertain yourself. Kicking the person's chair infront of you, playing pokercards on the coach seats etc. It was a new experience, going on a trip aboard on my own. Did I have an Mp3 player then? Hmmm OH wait, Back then Mp3 Was the big jukebox that cost a fortune. We use Discman! Yes the good old Discman, not forgetting the collection of Cds we bring along that are neatly tucked into pocket folders. So mafan to keep changing CDS tsk tsk. Gameboy! Yup I had the BIG BIG one, the one that can be used as a weapon of mass destruction. The one that runs on 4 AA batt and using a square Catriage. 99 Games in 1 woot! Pwn ur asses.

That resort was farking Big. DO you know where we stay?? Some bungelow that is 2 stories and so much bigger than my own house. WTF with the view of the golf course?? Nice breeze? Own toilet in the room? Own Televsion with VISION 4 haha. The teachers told us not to turn on the TV, but who gives a shit, if they really would have to take the DAMN tv from me!
Aircon ZOMG~! Wait theres even a toilet outside for last minute stomachache when you already left the chalet. The only thing that was lacking was the small vehicle that golfers drive around? Wa if that was around that would be so fun. Who needs driving liscence.
While we were Wow-ing at all the nice facilites, testin the bed by jumping on it, Unpacking our bags only to find ppl bringing RISK to play! zzzz
Then comes the boring lecture on how to become a LEADER. Yes singapore needs more leaders. And we are going to achieve that by going for more leadership talks. Wait a minute...
*looks left
*looks right
*looks behind to look at emileen
*opps
PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING~~~!
1,2,3,4,5 nodding heads. And its contagious, just by looking at them make my eyes go heavy. What bullshit, well it does help but 85% of it is purely common sense. Of course if ur common sense is 0% then I nth to say la. The given Notes were meant for us to read. Wait Weather quite humid hor? wooooo CAN use the notes as fan!
Take down notes? hack, I rather draw...
Staring at the clock doesnt help either cause the movement of the hands just countdown the seconds ur eyes take to shut itself.

FOOD yes~! FOOD glorious FOOD. Buffet? ahhh for breakfast? nope, its for ALL our meals. I love the food there, hotel style buffet. Simply mouth watering malay food. 2nd rounds for me plesae ^^

Well at the end of the day, we walk back to our vila in the evening when the weather is much cooler. I really enjoy that part. The chit chatting with frens along the way and admiring the scenery or just feeling the gentle breeze blow past ur skin is unforgettable. Evenings were the best part of the day. When we could go free and easy, for me? Some tv, few rounds of poker and its bedtime for me. Somemore the first night must test the bed.
OMG I AM SHARING THE ROOM WITH EUL AND WEISHEN!!! 3 in one room, real nice. Opps there is only 2 beds. NVM just join them. BUT WHO IS SLEEPING IN THE CENTER~!
We reverted to the old ways of settling it...
Sissors
Paper
Stone!
Damn it why me T_T. I didnt know how I managed to sleep but I woke up the nxt morning to find one of my leg stuck inbetween the 2 beds, the 2 beds slightly apart and me almost falling right into the crack. Oh and I also found out that arron, timothy and gang were playing RISK till the wee hours of the night yesterday. Talk about Hardcore warfare. Kudos to them.

oooooooooooooooook I stop here. More nxt time!!!
Hope I am not talking to myself...*echos >.<
Hellllooooo~! Is anyone out there???

A n y o n e ?

shut up PEK =.=

The Beginning (part 18)

2006-06-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
ZOMG Guess whos back? Back again? Pek is BACK! Tell a friend ^^ After 4 long months finally an entry. Sorry to keep you guys waiting so long, army life =.=
Some more every time I come home I just dont have to mood to sit down and think of what I want to write. Time out of camp is precious! Ok where was I....
______________________________________________________________________________________

So I realise that I could see the end of this relationship.

I know that we're done
I know that we're through
But I just can't seem
To let go of you

It's when I miss you
When I start to cry
That I sit here thinking
And wondering why

Why did you leave me
You promised forever
You told me that we'd
Always be together

Where did I go wrong
And what did I do
To make it like this
To make me lose you

Tears on my face...
Was I just not enough
I tried to be perfect
Was that not enough

And I hate missing you
I hate that I cry
I hate that I want
To break down and die

And nobody knows this
Nobody can see
The pain that I feel
Deep inside me

But the worst part is
You'll never know
About these tears
I refuse to show

You go on with your life
With words unspoken
Not knowing your the reason...
My poor heart is broken.

How true. I didnt really express my concerns about all these emo emo stuff to her or anyone else. School was school as usual, talk with friends normally, study as per normal. Just like an apple, you never know that its rotten till you take a bite or cut it up.
Its Secondary 3 already. New class, New classmates, New teachers, Old memories. I was wondering whether I should end it or should I just drag along and see how it goes. Ultimately I chose the latter. But how was I to know? I was young, most of the time the emphasis is on what I want. Me me and me, I want her to be with me but maybe I should have at least considered whether she felt the same way. Plus I think I reached a dead end, so what if she continues to stay with me? What will happen nxt? Will her feelings for me get stronger?
That by the way was too complicated for my underdeveloped 15 year old mind.

Then what am I doing then? I dont really know. How was I suppose to know. Let say I tell ppl that my relationship with her is turning sour. Such juicy news will spread like wild fire and within hours and she would have known it. My repuation would drop like hot cookies. Sometimes I think to myself that it wasnt my fault, she was the one that was losing interest in me, not the otherway around. How foolish of me.
Ya ok I only care about myself, yes I know that now.

How could it be her fault anyways, I was the one that neglected her. I didnt make her feel safe and secure with me, I didnt make her feel happy with me. If I had done all that, then she wont have such negative thoughts right? *slaps myself.

Such parasitic thoughts stuck in my mind all the way till march holidays. Seeing her after school, even sending her to the bus stop became a drag. WTF am I doing man, I was so dumb. TALK TO HER FOR GODSAKE! IF YOU DONT DO ANYTHING, NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN YOU DUMBFUCK!. *ahem This is me scolding myself. If I could travel back in time I would have seriously kicked myself right there and then.
Sadly we all know that is impossible. Oh well, Just like the Song "I Hope you dance"
Theres this sentence in the lyrics that says "God forbid Love ever leaves you empty handed" Guess I learnt quite alot.

Then I got to know my new Classmate ^^ female of course. That was when I started to wonder. Maybe there are better girls out there for me? Maybe I should start looking for other options ya? Thoughts of jumping ship clouded my mind. How selfish. Then again, everyone is searching to love and be loved, everyone wants a special someone to care for and be cared for. In the end, is it really selfish and self centered? Maybe. On the other hand, how the fuck do I know all this emo stuff back then.

Every batch of Sec 3 will have a level camp. I assure u, If I were to count the days, Me and Chrystal's relationship can only last about 8 days more...
Does it matter if I knew the days left? Till now I still do not know.

Till nxt time guys!

The Beginning (part 17)

2006-04-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
Before I continue, maybe I should give you guys something to ponder over. Ever been in a situation where by someone ask you THAT QUESTION:
"What kind of person am I" or "What do you think of my character"
~Dang~
And you always seem to be stuck and end up stoning there for about 5 secs before spilling out crap comments like :
"I think you are nice"
"ok la, not bad"
"dont know lehz, ok lor"
The word "nice" and "ok" seem to be common on the menu on describing a person. And most probably that person would just take it as it is, going home thinking that they are just "nice" and "ok la". Come On, give me a break! If thats the case then 99.9% person of our frens would be "nice".
Same goes to saying it to girls. Suddenly your girlfriend pops the question,
"Why do you love me?"
And you will find yourself in the same situation, only these time you know you have to be careful in your choice of words. However if she ask this question when you are about to sleep, your answer (in a desparate attempt to dodge the question)would be
"Why I love you? oh, I just do!" then back to sleep you go while at the back of your mind knowing that shes going to ask the very same question tommorrow.
And most probably your answer will be, "you are a nice person and we have so much fun together, most of all, you are so beautiful"
Come ON!
End up the girl will walk home thinking that the guy only likes me for my looks.
So next time please be more creative, learn some quotes, watch more movies, read more poems. Come up with something like:

If I were your bag, I would be able to be carried around by you and stick close you.
If I were your cup, I would be able to kiss your lips every time u are thirsty
If I were your fork and spoons, I would be able to feed you all your meals everyday and you would never be alone when u eat.
If I were your pen, I would be able to do your homework together.
If I were your television, I would be able to see you smile each time a programme makes u laugh.
If I were all your cardboards, I would be able to keep all the stuff u love and all the stuff u wish to forget.
If I were your comb, I would be able to touch and smell your hair, making you look pretty each time you leave the house.
If I were your books, I would be able to bore you until you decide to sleep on me.
If I were your blanket, I would be able to keep you warm in the middle of the night, never leaving you in the dark.
If I were your door, open me to enter your room or your house, reminding you that there is no place else like home.
If I were your pillow, I would be able to watch you sleep and comfort you each time you have a nightmare.
If I were your table lamp, I would be able to keep you company when you decide to burn midnight oil.
If I were your fan, I would be able to watch over you and cool down your stuffy room.
If I were your computer, I would be so happy as you would stare at me the whole time, tempting you that fun can be just a click away when you are doing research on the web.
If I were your wallet, I would make sure I am always filled so you would never be hungry again.
If I were your shoes, I would be able to protect you from all the obstacles on the roads and take you anywhere you want to go.
If I were your watch, I would always be able to hold on to your hand and tell you when you are late.
If I were your rubbish bin, you would always find me at a corner for you where you can dump all your paper balls of fire and wraith.
If I were your toothbrush, I would scrub you so clean that your smile would brighten the world.
If I were your showerhead, I would be able to wash away all the dirt, making you beautiful and clean always. *I can watch you bath also =p
If I were your facial cream, I would be able to touch your face and make sure your skin remain flawless and smooth.
If I were your handphone, I would always be there when u need someone to talk to.
If I were your computer mouse, I would be able to feel the warmth of your hand.
If I were your chair, I would always be behind you to support you, be it studying or preparing for a test.
If I were your radio, I would be able to cheer you up and see the smile on your face every time your favorite music is on air. Studying would never be the same without music.
If I were your photo frame, I would be able to capture our most splendid moments and display it for eternity.
If I were your water bottle, I will fill myself with love potions to grant you your wishes with every gulp.
If I were your sofa, I would wrap my comfy arms around you to keep you warm and fuzzy.
If I were your pie, I would let you sink your teeth into me and let you taste the sweetness locked inside with every bite.
If I were your osim chair, I would massage your back after a stress day at school.
If I were your bathtub, I would make sure the temperature is just right so you wont have to worry about sitting on me.
If I were your teddy bear, I would stay by your side all night long when its dark and eerie.
If I were your shampoo, I would scrub your hair and make it smell like a springtime field of flowers, but I wont be of any use as your hair is already beautiful.
If I were your umbrella, I would protect you from the hurt and the rain, through the trails and pain.
If I were your CD-player, I would always be the one you reach for whenever u are bored, providing you with music wherever you go.
If I were your plate, I would be able to see your face when u eat, and see the expression of your face when you hate something but try your best to hide it.
If I were your window, open me anytime to see the scenery outside and breath the fresh air, reminding you that the world can actually be a beautiful place if you just use your heart to look at it.
If I were your table, study with me, cry on me when sad, slam on me when you are angry and rest your head against my shoulders, sleep and dream of a world where nothing is impossible.
If I were your fridge, open me to find treasures tucked in my pocket, I would give you an excuse to walk past the hall and take a peek at the television.

And Finally If I Were Your Boyfriend…….
I would respect you. Be committed and true to you. I would never cheat your feelings

~dont need to count, there are 40 reasons~
~Yes I wrote it myself, to someone~
~DONT BE A PUSSY AND COPY~

So please next time, dont give the standard "nice" "ok la" sentence. Thats not I want to hear and surely not what U want to hear.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Since my post is already so Long, I try to keep the remaining as short as possible.
So after my first Kiss on her cheek and she went out of the room, it was time to doll up and perpare for the mini prom thingy. The girls went to bath, giggling along the way. The guys and I went to bath too (there are 2 bathrooms, dont think dirty and we took turns, dont be gay).
I remembered wearing my blue shirt and black jeans (kind of a bad combination). Spent 15 min in front of the mirror getting my hair right before the girls came into the room. Chrystal was stunning, to me of course. She wore spaghetti strips(is that how you spell it?) and skirt, forgot what colour was it. Her hair smelled so nice, lol if there werent ppl around I would surely reach out and smell it!! Simply amazing, at one point I found myself staring until Joan came and snap me out of it. Damn it, If only we could be alone for 5 minutes!! I guess I would have just kissed her again, URGH! Stupid lamp posts all around me.
However all good things must come to an end. Before I proceed, Please note that Chrystal Ex boyfriend was also in her class and thus he was also present in the same chalet.
Time to Vote best Dressed male and female. =sad part=
I of course voted for Chrystal, she didnt win though. But when I peeped at her paper, OMG she didnt vote for me because the first letter I saw wasnt P but begins with a M. Who else? Marshall, Chrystal's ex. Fuck he looks like a chao ah beng, why vote for him. Then I got worried cause I remembered something that happen in the room upstairs about 10 minutes ago.
When we were preparing I think I sort of overheard the girls talking. One of them asking Chrystal if she had still feelings for her ex. And she replyed
"yes, its cannot help it one"
I didnt really think of it much cause hey shes my girlfriend now and maybe what she felt was just some residual emotions that would soon go away with time. Then now with her voting for him, I felt that these all click together.

Imagine:
Black background
Snowing
Spotlight shinning on me
me kneeling down
whispering the words

I am losing her.

I was in a self absorbed state, Have I not treat her good enough? Was it something I said? Something I done or didnt do?
In the midst of all the noise and people I was dazed, disconcerted. Dont tell me shes falling for her ex all over again. And just like when she told me the last time that she didnt want to be with Marshall because her feelings for him ran out, is this happenning to me as well???
I was possessed, Even though the Principal of my school was invited to that chalet, I didnt give a fuck. I had my own problems to deal with.
I fell silent all the way, even when after the prom thingy ended and we went off to our rooms.
Following that, Chrystal Cried as her class was about to disband and streamed to different classes the next year. I wanted to comfort her, the guys asked me to go see how she was doing.
But I stopped short of the door, looking at her crying with her girl friends, should I even bother? I cant remember if it was Chrystal in her crying voice telling me or her other friends told me to leave her alone and that she would be fine later on. I turned back and walked away.
Maybe I shouldnt have done that. Perhaps I shouldnt have assumed that she didnt like me anymore. I should be by herside telling her that its all going to be alright, instead of all her other friends. I Should Be The One She Should Be Crying on, but hack, is our relationship even deep enough for her to do that? If I were to reach out to her, she might very well pulled back.
I had enough for the night.I needed some time out. The guys and I went out to take the monorail round and round and round, talking bullshit stuff and eating ice cream. We returned pretty late and it was time to turn in. All the bed rooms were occupied so we were left with the living room sofas. Eu Liang slept on the long sofa, Mark and Gladys on the floor. Me and Chrystal both slept on individual chairs side by side. That was the most uncomfortable sleep ever, no only was the chair SUPER HARD, seeing Chrystal again made me think some more.
She still was smelling good. I so wanted to hold her hand and asked her if she was alright, to tell her how I really felt about my insecurities.Maybe that could win her back. But I didnt, I was too afraid.
Hours of tossing and turning somehow made the sun rise from the sea again. I suggested to Chrysal to go see the sunrise. We walked down the hill side by side only to find the sun rising the OTHER SIDE. Oh well.
We stood on the sand, never hand in hand. Maybe this was our fate to come.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

okokokokokokokok Thats all for today. Phew what a lengthy post.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE SAD MOMENTS.
Pek OUT

The Beginning (part 16)

2006-03-19T20:50:00.000-08:00

First of all I want to say Thanks to all my readers out there. Your support gives me inspiration and motivation to keep using my braincells to dig up past history.
-Pek

Dear Diary,
Ever felt like a relationship is about to end? Somehow you just know in the near future the road that you have been walking is the very same road that she cant follow. An inevitable end that sticks in your mind everytime you see her. That end was washed out at the beginning but after sometime and unfortunately the truth began to clear the fog. Long periods of silence during phone calls, nothing to say during the conversation, an element of "bo chap-ness" everytime I saw her. I was starting to take her for granted. This is when the fairy tale ends and when humpty dumpty fell off the wall only to find that no one could ever piece him back together again.
Like a car running out of gas, an empty stomach or when u pang sai u bo sai pang.
To put it bluntly : Feelings about her are running out.

Maybe this was provoked by the chalet we had at the end of our secondary 2 year.
Chrystal's class were having a Class chalet at Sentosa. Her classmates gather for one last time before they are being streamed to different classes the year after. Some did well and moved up the ladder while some remained.
I was of course invited. She said it could get boring and needed my company. My classmate Eu Liang was invited by Joan and schoolmate Mark by Gladys.
Seems more like a group date for the 3 of us instead of some class chalet.
Oh well, all seemed fine. I was greeted by the familiar scent of Chrystal in the late afternoon and soon we were on our way in the monorail. Laughters all around, causal chit chat among the 6 of us. I remember teasing Joan about Eu Liang cause she had a crush on him.

The chalet was rather big, a 2 storey thingy. It was near the beach, I forgot which one, but there was a scary looking infrastruture that looked like an army barrack near by. A kitchen, living room on the first and 3 bed rooms on the second, one masterbed room and 2 smaller ones. I wonder if we were even offically invited cause the rest of Chrystal's classmates seemed surprised at our arrival.
We moved quickly upstairs and locked ourselves in one of the bedrooms where we continued to chit chat.At night there was an event organised, some MINI prom night. Someone will be crowned the best dressed, one male and one female.

During the process of getting ready, we played TRUTH OR DARE.
[Let me sidetrack abit, if I know who the hell created this game, I will personally slap him/her. Its the dumbest, most idiotic game that always seem to entertain the majority whom are those not in question]
Suay Suay I think I was the first one and sadly the last one. Well the dare was to Kiss Chrystal.
I was stunned.

"Pek searches memories of him kissing other people in his memory bank"
"Search successful : 1 entry"
"Old orange images comes out showing Pek kissing his dad ON THE CHEEK good night 10 years ago"
"log ends"

I started laughing, I was like Come on! Someone think of something else PLEASE!This is so Primary school. Then it stuck me, heh Shes my Girlfriend wtf are you waiting for, its nothing to be embarrassed about.
YOU can TOTALLY do this, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT AGES AGO YOU fucking NOOB.
Ok so I took a deep breath, then I started thinking again.

"Pek thinks of Possible Kissing positions"
"Digs up movie kissing scenes : Titanic"
"ERROR~~!"
"Digs up with different kissing technique : 1 entry found"
"FRENCH"
"Evaluating"

While taking my time, my friends got bored. I think Chrystal was also feeling embarrassed, she was sitting next time me but I could not look at her to see if shes blushing cause everytime I do so I keep thinking about the techniques.
So should I enter sideways or should my head be parrallel to hers?
So do I breathe normally?
So where do my hands go?
So do I close my eyes, I heard its rude to stare when kissing.
I am such a loser<---- someone please nail a L on my forehead kkthxbye.

Somebody please help me. Ok so now my friends got bored and Chrystal I think as gone from excited to relieved/disappointed that I am taking such a damn long time. I think 15 min has passed and the dare became "KISS ON THE CHEEK". Phew.

Pek being such a loser who has made an all time high on the noob meter still found himself caught in the same situation as before. You know the kissing pose when ur lips become a circular shap and ur cheeks have been sucked in, I WOULD LOOOK DAMN STUPID. URGH! ZOMG! There are people watching somemore!
My body says go but my brain is sticking its tongue out, THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!
Echos in my mind :
LISTEN UP PEK!
SHES YOUR GIRLFRIEND, DO U KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT?? G I R L F R I E N D.
THIS IS NORMAL, GET OVER IT

Then my friends started noticing my ears and face turning red, I WAS DAMN SCARED LA.ITS MY FIRST TIME DOING IT *on the cheek =p I kept playing around my comb, on the verge of breaking it. I know its a simple task, buy why cant I just do it??? Everyone was like "what u waiting for". Peer pressure seriously sucks.

30 mintues have passed. I was about to explode, then Chrystal started to fidget.
OMG SHES GETTING BORED TOO, SHES GETTING RESTLESS! I had to do something, PEK HAS TO SAVE THE DAY.

In a flash, maybe 2 seconds or so. I reached over and kissed her on the cheek. Totally catching her off guard, YES! There was even the kissing sound, everyone heard it. Her skin felt soft and warm, OH GOD I DID IT! WHOOOOSH!
Now it was Chrystal's turn to turn red. Everyone was cheering! Woot way to go Pek! Then I do not know why she stood up and went out of the room. Hmmm was it too overwhelming? I didnt really ask her how she felt. Maybe it was something like "OMG WHAT TOOK U SO LONG, I CANT BELIEVE THIS GUY"
Oh well who cares.
Pek awards himself a medal of courage, jumps in the air and did a somersault.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opps I think I wrote A little too much, guess I got to write the next part (sad part) next time. Till then, stay tuned!

Pek out!

The Beginning (part 15)

2006-03-16T23:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Love is like a mountain,
hard to climb,
but once you get to the top
the view is beautiful.

The view simply was heart warming.
To show this, I decided to buy Chrystal a ring. Buying a ring for someone you love isnt something to take lightly. You cant just anyhow at any occassion buy a ring for someone. Its a personal item close to your heart. Giving a Love one such an item allows that person to hold on to a piece of you. This shows just how important she was to me and I wanted her to see that through something material. Something she could see everyday reminding her just how much she meant to me.

Hmmm something GOLD??
LOL I dont really have that much money with me, the best I could ever afford was something Gold plated. But imagine if the gold covering wears out! Plus Gold looks to OLD for me, definitely not what I wanted.

Something with a Diamond on it??
No money. Its not like I gonna Propose to her and even If I bought it, I dont think she would accept such an expensive gift. Better play safe ya?

Sooo I settled for something made of Silver. Then I remember I need her Finger size. Based on Past experience, I evaluated what her finger size might be. I thought to myself "Ok so I held her hand once". Shit.
I was clueless so I requested a friend of mine, Yanling to help me try out the ring. I remember we were going out on a Primary School class outing, to catch up with our Primary school mates so I kind of drag her in the shop to assist me.
Oh well what the heck, if it doesnt fit on Chrystal's one finger, theres still 4 other fingers on her hand to try right?
The salesgirl asked me if I wanted to engrave anything on it. Of course la, but how much will that cost LOL! Ok her name has C H R Y S T A L, 8 letters! Sigh guess I cant really use Pek Kim Yew, I dont think the ring has enough space for the both of us and 9 more letters is going to cost extra. Therefore Pekky it is. The ring was a simple one, silver all around with a spiral pattern on it. Most importantly it has "Pekky <3 Chrystal" on her ring and "Chrystal <3 Pekky" on mine.
To add a Bigger hole to my wallet I bought a rose to hold the ring. Its a fake one DUH, something like those 9.90 flowers u find at toy stores but this one the top part of the flower can be opened to store the ring. Cool right?
I can so Imagine the look on her face when I give the flower to her. I was all set and excited for VALENTINE DAY.

What u expect? I need to give her something right?? dont need crack my head for another present. hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha
*ahem ok that besides the point and I am not an asshole/jerk/bastard/fucker.

I was all SET, ready and PREPARED steady bom pi pi. My primary school mates thought it was a romantic gift, I remember Wearing it ever since I bought it and Pauline told me "Pek you so romantic leh". hahaha I was in love and I felt good about the Relationship between Chrystal and me.
Ok so I brought the ring to school during valentine day. I didnt put the ring in the flower cause I think it was too embarrassing. I put it in an apple instead. A FAKE APPLE la, its something my mother got from a jewelary store. A small cute cute apple stored the ring I wanted to show her so much, but I had to wait all the way to after school ends to give it to her. Our recess was different so Meeting her then was out of the question.
I expected she would receive other gifts cause shes popular but I dont care, mine is so going to BLOW the rest away. I played around with the ring, opening and closing the apple casing to see it every now and then during class. I wasnt paying attention to the lessons. My classmates made fun of me of course, trying to take it away from me or digging my bag for it. But the ring was safely kept within the palm of my hand all the while.
My form teacher even asked the guys in the class whether we bought anything for the girls. My name got sabo-ed. "Pek bought a ring for his girlfriend", that made me blush but who cares, I held on to the ring proudly. If I could I would let the WHOLE school know it.

ALl the TENSION and ANXIETY built up till the final school bell. I ran out of class looking for her, only to see her walking quickly towards me. She said she had something on and had to rush up somewhere, I was caught off guard. I spent the whole day imagining different scenarios. I imagined her all smiling and waiting to receive my gift, maybe getting a hug or a kiss along the way. Dream Smashed.
So she said she was in a hurry, I had no choice but to hand over the flower to her.

This is the part that broke my young heart.

I guess she did take a short look at it. Maybe she didnt know that the ring I picked for her was resting within the flower, cause the next thing she did was putting the flower immediately into her plastic bag. Then I expected a hug or something so I asked "how about a hug". She looked around, there were alot of students pouring out of the classrooms so maybe she was a bit embarrassed. She told me "not here". After that we said our Good byes and soon she was out of my sight.

'PIANG'<---- glass breaking sound, in this case my heart.

So I was left standing there wondering what had just happened and what went wrong.

Poor Pek, he spent so much time preparing for this day and his favorite girl just put his gift into her bag and took off without even looking more closely to find the ring. The ring he chose with his heart was left in that flower all the way till she got home when she finally decided to have a look.
She then SMS me to say sorry as she didnt know there was a ring inside.
Sigh, I guess if she had knew that moment meant alot to me she would have stayed just a little while longer.I dont blame her, I was just disappointed. In the end, thats how we spent Valentine's Day, we didnt went out cause it was a school day and her parents didnt permit.

Thats all for today.
More to come, The downward Slide of This relationship.
Stay tuned.
Pek OUT

The Beginning (part 14)

2006-03-07T06:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
Ok I am still at Secondary 2 and I have no plans on stopping yet.Why should I when life was good to me.
It gets me thinking now, What is SO good about getting a girlfriend? I can be a bit Bias in this cause seriously, Pek's love life if rated will get a 0.25/10. With the 0.25 coming from his never giving up spirit and undying efforts. Sucks2beme in this genre of my life. Dont know why I suck at it also, DAMN IT!!!! WHY ME!!!!
*to those ppl that are laughing at me, Fuck you kkthxbye.

Back to my point. Whats so Special about a Girlfriend.

Lets evaluate the activites they usually do:
1)Calling each other and talking about eveything and anything you can possibly find.
2)Going out on dates.
Peks Bias opinion is as follow:
You want someone to call, check your phone book or if you are really despo, try the Newspaper 1900- calls, I am sure there are "hot" girls waiting to entertain you. You can call me but please call my handphone cause I got free incoming calls.
You want someone to go out with, Dont you have friends? What the hell just call me.

Then comes the argument about Hugging, Kissing, holding hands and all the mushy mushy stuff. Ya you can to do all that, unless your partner is not ready and gives you a slap instead or a Kick to the groin. I have no quarrel with that, all the above are great mind blowing orgasmic experiences, espically with the one you love.

Heres comes the BIG BUT...
Is it really that important to have all of the above.
Oh well, I am really bias so I am sorry to all the couples out there. Being reject too many times turned my heart into stone. All hail causal SEX. Sigh, I'm jK.

OK enough of theses useless typing already! Back to Pek's 101.
OOOOOK, SO now I am with Chrystal and No we did not do all of the ABOVE. We only did 2 things, one being the holdng of hands. Dont be an idiot and mock me because We only held hands once.
Dont fucking try to cover ur laughter, it took really alot of guts to hold her hand.
We were going out on a double date, me and Chrystal, Hwa and Joan. Theme of the day was Movies. I remember I wore my Greyish White Billabong Collar Shirt outside and inside was a T-Shirt.
Note to self: Never wear double layer again please, its over doing it and too freaking hot.
Forgot what was Chrystal wearing though. This was one of our first Offical dates together. Wonder why did I agree to let Hwa and company come with us hmmm, It was Chrystal's Idea so I have no choice.
I dont remember which Cinema we went to nor the Movie's name, but I know it was something to do with Baseball and a bunch of kids. Well it doesnt matter anyway, My eyes were on her most of the time.
You know all those TV shows when the bf and gf are in the cinema and the bf will try all ways to hold her hand, the old yawning trick, the hesitation, the sweat flowing TENSION.
Think along that line cause I was going through the same thing. The Yawning trick was out, its too obvious and I scared the person behind may say "Hey Your Hand is Blocking my View" which will totally blow my cover.
So I was just sitting there staring at the screen with the view of her right hand just at the corner of my eye.
"COME ON PEK"
"GOGOGO YOU ARE SO CLOSE"
"OMG WHAT ARE U WAITING FOR"
"ITS EASY COME ON"
My left hand was resting on my left thigh, just inches away from her hand. I dont know if she notice my hand but her hand was resting on the arm rest. Who puts his/her hand flat on the arm rest when watching a movie. Then it stuck me like a slap of shit.
OMG SHES WAITING FOR ME!!! SHES TRYING TO MAKE MY ATTEMPT EASIER!!! COME ON!!!
Wait wait Hold on. What about Hwa?
I forgot about Hwa and Joan, What are they doing??
OH NO, For crying out loud they are already holding hands!!
If there was anytime to panick and act fast that was the time. And then another Slap of shit struck me again.
No wonder her hand was on the rest, she was hoping I will do the same!! How could I ever be so stupid and not notice this. I must have spent 45 minutes thinking whether to go for it or not. Ok I am a Loser SHUT UP kkthx. Hwa good job _!_.
And just 2 Slaps of shit isnt enough for Pek Kim Yew.

The next thing came the WORST, DUMBEST, LAMEST thing I have ever done.
Out come this RIDICULES sentence from my SMLJ mouth from my SMLJ brain.

"err"
"Can I hold your hand"

Dannnnnnnnnnnnng. This is when everyhing turn black and theres a spotlight shining on my ass with the sad pathetic song playing in the background.
And voices like this echoing in my head:
Pek! Can u see the wall infront of you?? GO BANG IT NOW!! NOW DAMN IT DO IT TWICE!!
If theres anything more anti climax, feel free to give me a call.

There must be a sign of disappointment from her, she didnt say yes or no. She just open her hand for me to hold. Ok shes disappointed.
Then comes another Slap of shit, err wait how DO YOU HOLD A GIRLS HAND!! This is when u imagine me jumping of my 20 story HDB and not dying, just 90% paralysed thats all.
How to Hold a girls hand, wait is it like this, like that or like that. Do they even teach this stuff in school. Where has Sex education gone, MOE should change it to "Dating tips" lesson, I could sure use it now.
Wait, hold that thought! Havnt I held hands with a girl before. OH ya, that was in Primary school. OH ya that was during my Japan trip when I held my mother's hand in DISNEYLAND u dumbass.
I could hold back anymore, sigh. I went with the pri school method.
Someone slap me with another pile of shit please thx.
Someone stamp me with a big letter L on my forehead thx.
Chrystal knew that wasnt the way, she changed to the interlocking method immediately.

SIGH.
But after all this EMBARRASSING moments. It was beautiful. I never held another girl's hand like that from that day so I can still feel her touch.

The Gentle Touch of Her Hand
Could make flowers Grow from Sand

Her thumb gently rubbing against my hand, and mine on hers. Simply amazing, I love that feeling, it felt as if holding her hand meant holding her heart as well. We were in our own world by then. Just sitting there, hand in hand, I am lost for words. This feeling cannot be described, It has to be felt. If only I could find enough words to make this paragraph abit longer just to signify that emotion.
I didnt want the movie to end, suddenly time just fast forward somehow. The lights came on and our hands parted. I didnt want to let go, I wanted to hold on to her hand forever.
But it seems forever was too long in the end.

SO we left blah blah blah. Leaving behind my only experience with holding hands.
Till next time then.

Pek OUT!!

Random Thoughts

2006-02-27T02:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I know you all want me to continue my story. But once in a while, its good to take a break, turn away from the past and look in the mirror. Look at the present.
I am doing fine, the A level results are coming out on WED and I keeping every avaliable finger crossed. Maybe I should try making my rounds around places of worship, SIGH...
Oh well whats done is done. GO Pek GO GO Pek GO

"WE ARE SORRY TO INTERUPPT WHATEVER U ARE DOING"
"ZaaaAaaAaaAaaaaAAAAA ZAaaaAAAaAAAAAaaaaAaaaaaa"
-Change Screen-

The following message is brought to you by the Ministry Of Pek Affairs
From the Department of Eye Sight
From the Author of "I can write whatever I want"
Here is Pek's take on the 2 balls on your face.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Diary,

What do you see when you first open your eyes. Be it for school, for work or just simply making sure you are not dead. What do you see?? Maybe a spinning fan on the ceiling, an overheading air conditioning unit or your window which shows a sunny or still darken sky. This is common, we all go thru this everyday as we open our eyes to welcome a New Day.

However I urge you to take a closer look. I am different from most of you and yet I share the same fate as about 30-40% of the world's population. My daily ritual of getting up isnt stretching your arms and letting out a big yawn. The only Stretching I do is lifting up my arms over my head and feeling the ledge for my spectacles.
Unlike most of you, I do not have the joy of opening your eyes to a bright a clear world. I did once, but that was some 10 over years or so ago.
I wake up to the same world, just that mine isnt as clear as most of you.Sometimes I dont even dare open my eyes in the morning before I put on my artifical eyes. U may wonder just what I see through these eyes of mine.

I have a degree of over 450++ on both eyes. The one thing I hate the most is not being able to see lines. Its just like using Mircosoft Paint, whenever u wan to use the bucket Icon you first need to Define the area you want painted. I cant do that. It seems my mind cannot register lines. Only colours.

Yes I see them, Black is black, Blue is blue, Yellow is yellow. But at the edge of the so called "Lines", the colours merge.There is no proper ending. Its like everything is fixed in ONE big picture and the other thing that differentiate a table from a chair is my mind. For example imagine a picture of just red on top and Blue below. From top to bottom I see red then suddenly a Blurred area where the Line is suppose to me, then blue all the way to the bottom.
Take away my aid and I can still tell you one object from another at a suitable range. However this has little to do with my sigh, my brain is telling me what I see. Or rather my brain is telling what my eyes are seeing and not the other way around. Give me a picture to look at and all I can tell you are some of the brighter colours and nothing more. Ask me to describe the picture and all I can say are the general images that my brain tells me.
In my natural state I cant see details, not to mention read a book normally. I can read, only at kissing range. I can see your face but must take a closer look to know who you are or whether you are smiling.

Its so frustrating sometimes. Being half blind, what I consider myself to be is no laughing matter. Take away my glasses and all accuracy in vision disappears, I am helpless. Try to hide my glasses somewhere and I will be on my knees using my hands, my sense of touch to feel it out. Or otherwise I'll just beat u up because its faster and a human is much easier to find. I get a headache sometimes without my glasses. Unfortunately it has became part of me, we move as one body, separated only during bedtime or bath time.
Although it has helped me over the years, this invention has its side effects. My mind has slowly forgotten how to tell how eyeto focus or rather the muscles in my eye to contract or relax. If our body has a way of repairing itself, this equipment has done nothing but causes the problem to worsen. To put it in simple terms, ironically, my spectacles has caused my eyes the ability to see a Defined World. Sinking me deeper and deeper into a pit I can never get out of. (unless I go under the knife)

Through theses pieces of plastic I see the world of lines and colours again. But everytime I view the world I am constantly reminded of my state by the frames of my spectacles still in my line of sight. That is why I love to put on contact lenses instead. No more frames! It really feels great to be able to experience perfect vision without the burden of adjusting your falling spectacles. This maybe a small thing to some of you, But to me being able to have NORMAL eyesight, even if its through cheating means of wearing contact lenses is a joy.

I have been wanting to write this in a long long time. This is just one of the little things people take for granted since our sense of sight is probably one of the first sense we use since we were born. Sadly this is also one of the things we regret only when its too late, thus no matter what people say, we still stare at our computer screen for hours on end.
Thus I urge you to take care of your eyesight. I am not blind, but at least I can understand just a little bit more about not being able to see clearly. Stop myopia, and this starts from you and no one else.

Till the nxt episode on Pek's 101... TATATATA

The Beginning (part 13)

2006-02-21T01:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
It is strange how we cant simply describe what is Love. Its not something u can quantify and definitely not something u can describe using our 5 senses. When people ask me, (ok i am imagining people asking me), what is love?
A kiss on the cheek, the touch of her hand, a hug, a glance, her head resting on ur shoulders, her tears, her laughter, her smile and even memories. Theses aint just actions or thoughts. Its far more dense than that, so much so that just from theses simple actions, inspired poems, paintings, drama etc. Such a power is so great that its able to reach anyone, anywhere and at anytime. And all you need is a heart.
[OMG this is going to be a GP essay!Dont be gay ah, when I say Heart its with a " ", not the biological term, cardiac pump blah blah blah]
Was my heart Touched by love? Yes. Such an experience is like riding a bicycle or learning how to walk, you can never forget. Thus my friends, if you ask me if I loved Chrystal, I would show you our ring and said yes. Not taking the ring in its material form but a ring infused with our history and our feelings for one another.

Hmmm It should be the beginning of secondary 2 now. I remember during the december of Sec1 when I was coming back from Malaysia I received a message from her.
"Do you know what day it is?"
I was puzzled lol, I tried thinking really hard. This is one sensitive issue!! NEED to get it right!! Her mom's birthday, wait was it her sister's? or her dad's? Have we been together for 1 year already?? wait we were together only recently!! Fuck which one should I choose kns. I gave up and threw a wild guess. I forgot what answer I gave but it doesnt matter, I got it wrong on the second and third try also. Finally she told me.
"Its our 100th days together"
REALLY?!?!? Do girls have to be so detailed omg! How I know it was today! I already had trouble remembering my friend's birthdays, telephone numbers plus my school work. I wonder what she must have felt at that time. The beginning of a relationship is usually very superficial and getting on her bad side is not something I want to do. From that day on, I kept count, I even put the date as my handphone password LOL. Till today I still remember the dates, sigh...

Seconday 2 came and went. Ask a student if he likes to wake up early in the morning to get to school, most likely IF THEY ARE NORMAL, he/she rather have just 5 MORE MINUTES under the covers. I was different, I woke up with a smile, at that time I was no longer going to school to study, I was going to school to see her. I started waking up even earlier than usual, looking in the mirror to make sure I look neat and tidy. As I step out of the car in the parade square I knew she would be there looking down from the balcony from the 4th Floor.
After school I would go look for her outside her class and we would hang out for a while before walking her to the bustop. Upon reaching home I would call her, at night I would reply her postcard that she gave me today. I poured everything, I was totally into her.
But course as I mentioned earlier I ran out of stuff to say. I solved it by thinking of stuff I wanted to discuss with her beforehand and writing it on a notepad. On the way home I would recall some of the events that happened in school and tell her all about it. Sometimes I call her friends to find out what was happening in her class so I could talk with her about that too.
Saying those 3 words "I love you" became easier and easier at the end of every conversation.
I didnt really thought of it then, but she seem to be holding back. Most of the time when we talked, usually I was the one talking. I felt she was not really opening up to me, maybe my topics were boring or what. But I didnt confront her about this, I thought maybe its because of her character, being quiet and all. Come to think of it, maybe I should have confronted her about it.
Nevertheless I still enjoyed hearing her voice, offering her a listening ear to her complains, although I think some of it went out the other ear. Her voice was so adorable on the phone, then again, she isnt perfect till she became my girlfriend.
Its funny how we talked about almost anything that came to mind and the way she said she loves me, I can never get enough off. Sometimes when she said it softly I would pretend not to hear that forces her to repeat.
Guess these are just signs of a couple. I wonder if I became popular in school because of her. It seems more and more people are getting to know me as Chrystal's boyfriend. I started to know people from secondary 1 and 2, even people from the upper secondary. The network in fairfield is off T3 connection, the word gets around really really fast. Soon I wasnt just Pek Kim Yew anymore, I had a tag on my shirt that says "Pek is attached to Chrystal"
I enjoyed the attention, who doesnt want to be known in school anyway. I think that was when I decided to be a prefect. WAIT NO, I decided to be a prefect when our form teacher walked in to ask for the class to elect Candidates to become prefects. Me and Eu Liang thought of a plan on the spot to norminate each other! I was thinking, IMAGINE PEK AS THE HEADPREFECT, siam ah tua le gong lia liao!!
Of course I got throught the interview, who didnt anyway?? All the dumb standard questions that gave rise to politically right answers.
This was my PEAK, being attached to a wonderful girl, being in a position of POWER among the student ranks and with ownage grades. What possibly can beat that. I was THE MAN! <--- let me hao lian please, dont pour cold water
I remember my first assigment as I was assigned to this class for morning assembly. Asking people to line up was a chore in the morning. IMAGINE you are a student, EARLY IN THE MORNING, you are feeling so SIAN, and here comes an asshole with a tie asking you to "PLEASE MOVE IN", "WHY IS UR HAIR SPIKED UP", "TUCK IN UR SHIRT", "SHOW ME UR NAILS!". If I were the student I wont give a damn or at least have a 5 minute lag time.
I looked at the white board in the Prefect's room and To my horror I was incharged of some Secondary 4 tail end class. OMG steam! I was expecting vulgarities, cant be bothered attitude, and me running to the teachers for help with unlawful students. I approached the class with caution, with little weight in my feet to facilitate my quick exit. I signalled the class to move in, no use. I walked further down the roll to tell the rest, no effect. I AM DOOMED, I was still under probation, If i make such a mistake its GG for me.
Just when all seem lost, one guy suddenly out of NO Where said. Aint you Chrystal's Boyfriend? I said yes and at the same time everyone just stare at me. Then I got whispers, "so its you ah". OMG this is worst, I think I just stepped on a land mine.
The nxt thing that happen was totally unexpected, one guy just put hes hand around me and said. "you better treat her nicely ah"
Can this be? LOL I think I was getting the "why didnt you say so" thingy. Everyone in the class became friendly with me. They even agreed from that they on to move in when I asked them to. Of course I didnt wan to test my limits with them so I pretty much left their attire on the edge between acceptable and unforgivable.

OK this is the end for today! MORE TO COME on the good times and the beginning of the BAD TIMES in the next episode of Pekky's 101. TIll then.

PEK OUT!

2006-02-18T01:52:00.000-08:00

yup thats me during chinese new year with a dao look.

The Beginning (part 12)

2006-02-07T23:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
I know you guys have been looking forward to this episode of Pek's 101, or Pek's lol if you want to call it.
Actually lower secondary was my High of my short life span in FMSS. I had many good friends, fantastic grades, good behaviour but most important I had a girl ^^ I dont think I have the right to call her my ex-girlfriend cause I didnt confess to her in the beginning, we were just err "POOF" together. Kind of strange but I was young la, how I know wtf I was suppose to do. Although memories of her are slowly fading from both my heart and my mind, there are just some details you can never forget even after so long. Was she my first love? Yup she was. My first taste of sweet innocent love. She was the first person I ever said those 3 words "I love you" and the first girl I kissed (on the cheek LOL, DAMN IT~! I am such a loser). Unfortunately, shes also the girl I always wanted to say sorry to and I regret many of my own doing. Looking at her picture now ( I really am ), her smile and her smell I can still fondly remember. She used to spray some perfume that I find hard to resist smelling her hair. I also remember tears, those watery droplets that flowed down my cheeks late at night when everyone was asleep after we broke up and that was the time when love songs was the last thing I wanted hear.

"Blurred vision
A taste of tears
Lonely days
And nights of years;

Constant thinking?
No answers found?
Thoughts in circles?
'Round and 'round;

Memories past
Relived?each one;
And sorrow for things
...Never done."

If you ask me 20 30 or 40 years down the road, I can safely say I will still be able tell you her name. Chrystal.
Not really a common name lol, its the H that makes her name stood out. Just like among all the perfect crystals around, that flawed one with the H simply outshined every single one of them.

Lets start from the beginning shall we?

Hmmmm, I got to know her from a friend. At that time a classmate of mine had a Girlfriend in Secondary one. OK la, why dont I just say the names, its much easier. Hes name is Hwadianto and her name is (shit I forgot), Joanne?? Oh at that time I was in Secondary 2 and the girls were in Secondary 1. After school, He always go to the top level where all the secondary 1 classes are. And so of course we being good friends, me charles and Hwa ( some even mistaken me for an Indoesian), we tag along too.

Naturally I got to know Joanne and her friends, Chrystal being one of them. Ehhh She didnt really talk much when we were hanging out with Joanne. The talkative ones were Joanne herself and Gladys. I notice she was always standing either behind or away from us, how could she even talk when the other 2 girls talk like machine guns. I also didnt talk much, I let the love birds do all the talking while I just stand one side and give my comments once in a while. I guess it started as a joke, when Hwa will joke about me being interested in Chrystal, maybe because we both were the quiet ones.

But this dragged on for days, what started out as a joke made me notice her even more. I mean whats there not to like about her, shes cute, gentle and I absolutely love her perfume smell LOL. Then one day, I think it was both Joanne and Gladys, they cornerd me and asked if I really liked Chrystal. I didnt hesitate, I said yes.
There are some facts that I wasnt aware at that time I said Yes. One BIG one being, she was attached at that time. Marshall was his name. He was tall, skinny and had his pants worn high, quite a dork haha. Anyway, I heard that she was into him for a very long time. Now I am in the picture, Things must have changed. Soon my ears been picking up news of people comparing between Marshall and me, seeing which one being more compatible. Of course and sadly for Marshall, I was leading the polls, secretly I pretent not to know la, but in my mind I was make funny faces and jumping around. Chrystal was also beginning to lean in my direction.

Then came the daunting task of how the hell do I break the news to Marshall. Everyday was the usual after school, we hang out and talk, Joanne and Gladys were thinking of a plan. They turn to me of course, but Pek has no experience in goping other ppl girlfriends, Pek is a Noob at Relationships and Pek has no balls at that time. So that task bounced around and fell into the hands of my other classmate, Caleb!
I was relieved to have someone else do the dirty job, Caleb was choosen cause they were both from the Boys Bridge and were friends too.
Yay now theres no extra between us now, I like her and she likes me, TADA! Pek and Chrystal were together at last. It was sort of like a silent agreement and mutal understanding that we belong with each other.

The feeling was Great, I dont know how to put in down in words. Having someone to call your own is really a wonderful feeling, I dont know about those other couples but when I was with her, I felt more complete as a person. We began talking everyday after school, even when we went home we called each other and talk for hours till my mother come banging on my room, ending each call with the 3 words "I love you".
The first time I said it over the phone got my adrenaline pumping, I was so nervous, I was scared but yet I wanted to say it to her so much. Then I just made a split second decision to just be brave and proclaim my love to her. You can sense my anxiety cause this was what I said exactly.

"Chrystal you know what" <---- this was when I made the decision
"I love you" <--------YES I DID IT OMG!!!
She did the same thing to me haha. I was over the moon.

My mother threatened to Listen to my calls or pull out the plug if I didnt stop talking. Maybe that was the first mistake I made, calling her everyday and talking non stop. After a few months U find you are left with nothing much to say lol, I practically told her half of my life story already. But it was fun talking to her, listening to her voice was heavenly. This was just the beginning stages, I guess we were both enthu about it, both of us in a world of our own. We both got like the perfect image of each other.

We wrote postcards to each other almost everyday. She loved postcards, it became a daily routine to pass each other our replys. My handwriting SUCK to the core, U dont know how many postcards I wasted drafting the letters to her. I threw away so many till I end up writing them on rough paper first before transferring. My handwriting LOOKS exactly like PRIMARY SCHOOL penmanship. My lettering were straight when suppose to and curved when supposed to. NO connecting lines, each letter is well defined and with much force, written down. I even wasted the limited edition A1 postcards that I didnt even give her because my handwriting was just to ugly for humans to read.

Quite a fairytale ya? Theres so much more , I havent even finished the good part.Oh well I got to stop here now, This entry getting abit too long haha. Ok till nxt time!! More coming up!! dont go away!!!

PEK OUT

The Beginning (part 11)

2006-02-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
I am back!! I have a really interesting thought. I was sitting a cab with my brother to my grandmother's house for dinner. It was a long ride so my mind wandered to all the movies I had seen. You know when a person dies, usually his whole life flashes before him eyes. Maybe I had nothing better to do, but what if,What If right now at this very momemnt, we are all abt to die, and like the dying people in the movies, we are given the chance to reflect upon our life just one more time. What if we had already lived our lives and all we are doing now, is looking back. Interesting isnt it? Doesnt it make you want to treasure your life even more? <--- I was thinking abt the Matrix and Armageddon lol.

Anyway, back to where I was. Hmmm Year one of my secondary school life.

I made a promise to myself when I first entered Fairfield Methodist Seconday School. Since I didnt make it to schools like River Valley (HENG I DIDNT), Chinese High (HENG I DIDNT) or ACS(I) <---wasted, AND since I know I had the talents to do better, I decided. Why not PWN everyone here at FMSS?? I first saw FMSS as some neighbourhood, low down, nobody wants to go to school. So I assumed that the people there are mostly stupid stupid one haha. I ASSUMING myself to be smarter than these idiots ( I was young, Please forgive me ) made a VOW, PEK IS GOING TO BE TOP DOG, Numero Uno, Big Papaya, NUMBER ONE! That idea really stayed with me, and sticked in my head for a very long period of time. To be honest, I really chiong, study wise. Maybe I need to give my mother abit of credit here, all that drilling kind of seasoned me for studying. If one day or even a few hours I didnt just take up the book and study, I feel so empty and guilty. The gear was set to automatic and on nitro!! I was determined to be first in class, or even First in the level. But first, there is abt (assumming there are 30 ppl in each class) 59 people I got to step on to reach top. Besides the days when I had Basketball training or Saturdays when I had to go for Boy's brigade, I went straight home and literally buried myself in books. Reading before hand the chapters that were to be thaught a few days later seems FUCKING hard for you to believe now. But seriously, I really did. Homework? All done. Assignments that my mother gave me? Done. LoL if you look at me now, you will probably slap me and call my bluff. Oh well, whatever you want ya?
Tests, exams, my name was always at top 5 if not, top 10. How about Chinese?? hahaha, I was also among the top few, especially in Compositions. I just love to write about those dramatic love stories, maybe the teachers found it cute. I memorised the chinese characters for Spelling and Test like we have to shit everyday.
Science?? My favorite subject, I really liked science (general science), every page theres something new for me to read and know about. Passion is the keyword LOL, Test scores?? Same as above ^^
Geography and History. Both are new subjects to me, but in the end, I ate them for breakfast. Thanks to all the reading I did before the lesson starts, I can understand the teacher better and the lesson just helps to refresh my memory. Test scores?? Same as above ^^
Mathematics?? Are you kidding lol, But seriously my brother did play a big part in my learning of this subject. Throughout the 4 years, my brother helped me alot in maths, sometimes its nice to have an elder brother and since hes just one year my senior, those secondary 1 questions were a breeze to him. Test scores?? Same as above ^^
Literature?? Another new subject to me. I think this is a subject that I really enjoy. After all, whats there to do but just read. The usual Shakespear stories are kind of weird at first, all the "art, thou, thee". After getting used to it, I was on to it. The one story that I love was the Clay Marble. A brillant story based on a Cambodian Post war setting. Truely a marvelous read. I didnt mind reading it again and again until I had no trouble writing out paragraphs of quotes like it was nothing. I regret not taking Lit at upper secondary, lol but oh well, whats done is done ya? Test scores?? Top in class for several Papers, same as above ^^

I know some of you are thinking. Maybe you will throw in some vulgarities here and there about me trying to show off and stuff. But heh, I am proud of my achievements lehz, can let me show off abit?

Riding ahead at full speed, I was unstoppable, I had the exact balance of work and play. You may think that I am a NERD then, all study but no leisure. LOL you are wrong, you forgot that I have Basketball training at least 2 times a week until about 6-7 pm and by time I reached home, It will be about 8-9, depending if me and my team go for dinner at the nearby Dover Road Market. I had Boys Brigade to attend every Saturday from morning to afternoon and on Sundays I meet up with some of my Primary school mates for Basketball in the afternoon near my Grandmother's house. To sum it up, I had a life. Jealous right?? LOL, come on, We all got our UPS right?

Friends? Hahaha I made friends of course, my class of 1C and 2C was alot of fun. We totally own at soccer during the secondary one interclass soccer competition. I was Goalkeeper, and to add to that, CLEAN SHEET ALL THE WAY. I had a few saves here and there, Dives here and there. But most of the time, we were overwhelming our opponents. To such an extend that I had the luxuary to SIT down beside the Goalpost and talk to my Basketball friends while the match was going on. Secondary 2 was a different story, I guess we were to over confident and made mistakes we werent suppose to make. We were 3rd or 4th I think, haha, we all got to lose sometimes right? Otherwise ppl say we dont give face =p
Friends like Joseph, Eu Liang and Charles. LOL we keep joking around, talking about other people all the time. We usually sit around the same area in class, usally the back. We talk all the time, playing a fool. I miss the times we bitch about people, making fun of people. Racist Jokes!! OMG you guys rock.
The girls in my class are SIAO cha bos. I think they got mental problem, they are the Hiao Type. Of course there are the good good ones, I forgot the names. The crazy ones are Hui Hua, Grace, Christie ( shes from my Primary school too ^^) , Yan Wen, Elena etc.
Till today we still keep in touch, going out for dinner once in awhile to catch up. I am fortunate to have known them.

Maybe i will post my secondary one picture, my Camera phone 1.2 megapixal only so ><
Okok I stop here.
Stay tuned for more as I talk about secondary 2!! And what U all been waiting for. I goona talk about her ^^ dont go away ya?

PeK OUT!

The Beginning (part 10)

2006-02-01T00:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
First I want to say how sorry I am about updating my blog, I was busy with Chinese New Year and other off-line stuff. OOOOOK, where was I??

Secondary School life...

*sigh*

I think within this 4 years I have grown more than I had ever did. Be it mentally or physically,I grew by leaps and bounds. I guess its because my mind is starting to be more aware of who I am, I start to be more aware that theres still a Me without my parents. Maybe its because of puberty LOL, all the increase in testosterone makes PEK more gung ho. How did I know I was going through puberty?? Well I became more hairy and had a permanent sore throat that changed my Ku niang voice forever. I became more well versed with the vulgar languages, new hair styles and NO MORE POWER RANGER BAGS. My self awareness override almost everything, Pimple outbreak FUCK, HIPSTER pants OMG. SOCKS? LOL u cant see mine.
Peer pressure can cause wonders, both in good ways and bad. I had to admit, it was because of Peer pressure than changed me. Always on the look for what is the IN thing, I started to catagorise people. Losers, Twits, Noobs, fuckers, suckers, sluts, Chio, Cute, Suckups, act cute, act smart, cannot make it, DAMN UGLY, bitchy... the list goes on. We know who these people are and we try so hard to stay in the good books of the people we know. I was afraid of being one of the Losers, fuckers, bastards and that fear changes my attitude, even today. I am sure No one wants to be the bad guy, who wants to go through 4 years of secondary school with the word "loser" stamped on their foreheads. I know some who have and I feel sad for them, on the other hand I am thinking, better them than me.
These 4 years is also the period that we made many friends, some continue being some of my best friends. Girlfriends, Boyfriends, all shallow relationships based on 90% looks, of course there are special cases. Branded stuff, whos got them and who dont. With this details we end up labelling people. It may sound wrong but we are all guilty of it one way of another, talking behind peoples backs, LIES. We became more sinful than we ever was till that point.
Parents?? heh, my friends are my family. Hack I even spent more time in school than at home. To be honest I care more about what my friends think than what they think. What do they know anyway, they are after all of an older generation. Sad, but true.
GIRLS, wooo they have grown too didnt they, I noticed ^^.
But its all cool, part of growing up, so they say. You can turn either way, either you become a better man, or you become shit, a loser with no character. I hope I am the formal. All these trails never ends, but how u stood by is very important. Being self conscience is one think, being self confident is another. Looking back, I can safely say with a smile that I have grown to be a better person, can you?
I am abit worried for the new generation though, I even heard primary school children scolding each other, they throw FUCK at each other like FUCK. They play computer games, visit lanshops SO young, too young I feel. NO childhood.

Lets start from the beginning shall we? ORIENTATION. What in GODs name is that, that word is even longer than the longest word i seen which is RESTAURANT. WTF does that mean! I was damn blur, all i remembered was hating it alot, I didnt even do much. All I did was follow the group. Ask me to sing song? NO way man. Dance? If I know how to show the middle finger I would. Ran here and there playing games? Ok la, you all go first, I will catch up. LOL, i was quite anti social. I even made a promise to myself not to talk to anyone unless they talk to me first. I didnt know anyone in my class, I was so timid. Break the ice? To hell with it, I am happy cold blooded.
And like all orientation, the food sucks, chicken rice. I dont know what is it with functions that must include chicken rice. Poor chickens getting cut up for us to be disgusted. The only thing i enjoyed was the milo at night. Bathing?? OMG I dont wan to comment. Sleeping? On the table where else, I didnt had a sleeping bag, SOO COLD AT NIGHT!!
Of course I didnt stay like a stone throughout la, the problem with orientation is that no matter how Du Lan u feel, at some point of another, you will join in, even for a tiny extent. Each class had to do a small skit, I remember there were arguments about something. All I know was that Timothy (the indian one) was invloved and he asked me if he should forget about the arguing and just help them. I think I gave him a text book answer. Oh well we won in the end, Our idea was so original and our actors like ZP all look so cute that time. All the A class or B class people's performance cant even compete with our leg hair, they SUCK. No wonder our class bonding is so strong even till now, we started early ^^ I am really thankful I was in that class, No not because I always OWN them in studies but because they are really a good bunch of people.
I had a lot of fun with them, But I will tell you another time LOL. Secondary one wasnt really that interesting, I was just a bit shocked that the canteen food was so expensive hahaha. Being in a Mix school was all good too. I dont know about the rest, but I became more well mannered because I was around girls. More of a gentleman ^^ Of course theres always that hope that a strong wind will blow up their skirts, but other than that haha it was all ok. Theres still that invisible rule that guys and girls cant touch each other cause its a BIG NO NO(dont think dirty pls)and the sky will fall on our heads or something if we did.

Thats all folks, More sharing coming up!! So much more shit to come. Stay tuned ya??

PEK OUT~~!

Chinese New Year

2006-01-29T18:53:00.000-08:00

The Beginning (part 9)

2006-01-23T01:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
The end of my primary school education sparked of my taste for more knowledge! Well the sky's the limit . I think everyone in my class Dreamt of getting in the top schools. I felt so left out, so disappointed, so like an outcast as compared to those who swiftly left for top schools. I could see the bloody smile on their face, as if they had kicked me to the floor and poured shit on my face. IT WAS THE END, my brother got into ACS(I) and me? I made it to the school oppostite of that one. If u cant get in there, sigh, at least I settled for somewhere nearby. I remember my brother used to mock me, look down on me. During fights he would say that my results for PSLE was lower than his so I got no say. HOW THE FUCK can I argue with that, it was a fact, I fell silent....
As I looked around the room where I got back my school posting, I saw smiling faces, smiles as long Chris ****. Unfortunate for me, my surname was Pek, so my turn was never among the first few. I had to bear witness their joy and happiness. I didnt expect much, I got what I deserve. Hmmm since my mother was the one teaching me all the time, maybe I should blame her? LoL what an excuse.
Fairfield Methodist Secondary School was my destination, I was not amused. It was my 4th choice, what a bad number indeed. I was Doomed. Banished to the realm of yellow and blue, never able to touch the badge embodied by the magistic dragon with wings. But I wasnt the only one that suffered this common downfall. I was happy to find someone in the same boat as I am. hahahahahaha Looks like Jasmine is stuck with me for another 4 years *bleah. Later the likes of ZY joined our cause. I wasnt alone anymore.
Eh, on the day of signing up, I tried to console myself. I left the same time as my brother as he left for school. My father's car passed by his school before making a whole U turn to get into mine. Wait!! He didnt even TURNED!! Me and my mother had to walk as my father had a meeting to attend. My first impression as I walked in was WTF , this school is damn run down. Cracks in the walls and fading yellow paint. For the first time in my life I felt afraid to enter school. Like I am some crazy cb walking into a mental hospital. I remember I was told to check the board to find out which class I was posted to, LoL I think that was the only thing I was looking forward to. You see, I have been in the top class for almost all of my life up during my Primary school days and so I expect much from myself and expect others to think highly of me. I browse through the A classlist. FUCK la IT MUST BE A MISTAKE, THERES NO PEK KIM YEW. Sigh, then my name got to be in the B class then, its the least I can settle for. My heart broke, I felt so heavy that I fell from the clouds to be among ordinary people (no offense) at ground level.
My name appeared in the C classlist, it was the first time in my fucking life that reality actually kicked me in the stomach and say "Pek, you know what, you think you are so smart! Well there are ppl better than YOU, let me count ya? 2 WHOLE CLASSES!!"
I wanted to go home immediately, my mother had to drag me to my class to take my orientation package. IT CANT BE!!! I AM PEK KIM YEW for GODSAKE! I hope you guys can understand what I felt at that time. I really really was damn fucking sad, I think sad cant even describe what I felt. DEVASTATING!!

The problem I feel now since I am more mature now =p Is that Primary school kids are living the life that their parents what them to live. This may not apply to everyone, so those ppl can piss off. As I was saying, these kids get so attuned to what their parents want them to do that in the end, they feel obliged to live that life. All parents want the best for their child, they all want their child to be getting top grades, getting awards for this and that, being the best. And the kids are induced to believing that they want and can achieve those standards, cause my parents think I can. They are dependent on their parents and so they do not want to disappoint them. I feel that myself, getting back test scores, making the cut isnt for me. During that time I think I was doing everything for them, and so when I scored like a 70++ I felt that I had betrayed them.
Such practises just comes back to bite you in the ass when all of a sudden something serious like failing an exam, making your poor child at a lost. You think they are studying for themselves??? Think again Moms and Dads, maybe when they grow older, yes. But during Primary school, they are doing it for you.
This of course is just me, and my opinions are of course not valid. I just hope some of you out there feel the same.

OK ENOUGH OF THOSE SAD STUFF. Its making my hungry. This is just the beginning of it LOL, I havnt even started school yet!!! My secondary school days are on the other hand are one of the best days of my life, if only I knew earlier haha. Well stay tune ya. Those of you in the same secondary school as me, why dont we take the journey back as I recall some of the events that happened over the cause of those 4 years.
STAY TUNED!!

Pekky OUT

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE
ang pous come to daddy!

JJC RUGBY!!

2006-01-18T01:06:00.000-08:00

This IS JJC RUGBY TEAM!!!

The Beginning (part 8)

2006-01-17T00:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

"So many years in one yesterday"
Looking back those yesterdays still engraved in my mind, flipping back those pages....

FUCK la, I am not dead, KNN like a cb old man.. yadayadayada

*ahem

Ok back to what You all been waiting for!!! Now who says children in primary school can experience love?? They are just to stupid to know what it is, or wtf they are suppose to do in the first place. Love in the eye of a Singaporean child "SOMETIMES" "MAYBE" "USUALLY" can only be found in novels, television and movies. Well reality makes sure that in this life we live in, we are the script writers soooo whoever we like, love, want to be with is up to us to step up, CONFESS and finally hope it all ends happily. Well HOW THE FUCK A PRI SCHOOL KID knows all this?? How they know that love can be so simple and yet so complicated at the same time, or HOW THEY KNOW ABOUT SEX (unless they err watch porn or something) <---- just for the record, dont mix the 2 ya? sex doesnt always mean love and love doesnt always mean sex. Well but if you are two of legal age then I nothing to say la, just be smart to take the precautions. Like Robbie Williams once say "a man only has enough blood to either go to his penis or his brain" STOPPPPPPP! I am getting out of point. *ahem Well Pek Kim Yew was an innocent boy then, hes affection for girls are of course innocent. No hes not a playboy or a 2 timing bastard. Hes just a boy that found himself caught in sometime he never felt before, to actually like a girl. Hmmmm I think its going to be a bit sensitive to I decided to change the names (dont worry they are quite obvious) Lets talk about "Devil" Shes a quiet person, very soft spoken, fair chinese girl. Too bad i dont have any pictures of her now. I havent seen her for a while also. Well she always speak in chinese LOL, dont worry i understood what she was saying. But she has a problem speaking with English i feel, everytime she speaks english, its like so uncomfortable for her. Her chinese on the other hand is like second nature to her. I think she was the class rep during primary 5 and 6. Sigh i dont really know if my feelings for her were true or not, its just that seeing her makes me feel happy and when you are troubled or something, all you need is to gaze upon her. Her radiance is so soft and soothing, like a soft bed that u just sink into. Of course at that time I didnt know how to pen my feelings down, but I sure know how to show that I had a thing for her. I think it was after PSLE there was this celebration at one of my classmates house. Typical game = truth or dare. I didnt wan to tell the truth so i chose DARE WAHAHAHAHAHA. DARE = go to the person u like and sit next to her! Ahh thats easy i thought, I just walked over and sat next to Devil LOL. A bit direct but the effect was there?? All she did was laugh so I dont know what that meant anyways. But she of course surely didnt have Pek on her mind, I think at that time she was totally into another guy in my class. Thats besides the fact that she told me once that I was among the best looking guys in the class (LOL those other guys must really sucked). Talking about this guy, oooo hes popular, i even thought he was good looking at that time, center parting and all. He hit puberty early so he had the manly low voice that Pek doesnt. Hes a nice guy however, a strong steady kind of guy, sigh...how i compete with him!! I am JUST Pek and hes... If i had a time machine would i go back and change all this? make her like me? I think not, I wont know what to do anyway. The last time I saw her was during some class gathering, we went to her house to watch "my sassy girl" I hope shes doing fine now, I always wondered if she liked me LOL hmmm maybe thats abit to far fetched. OH wells as long as i remember her... NEXT Is there even a next?? Like I said, Pek isnt those that have a flowery histroy of boy like girl history. I guess when I really like a girl, I really do. It takes a long time for me to like another after one. Dont know if its good or bad lol. Maybe because there was always no closure, like Devil knows I like her but i guess she didnt really reject me or I guess I was too of a coward to really chase her. So those feelings I had for her was dangling there for like 3-4 years of my primary school life. Hey what was love to me then anyway, i got other kid stuff to worry about, or my mother finding out I was spending time with a girl rather than my studies. Maybe my feelings for her wont that deep after all,hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Wait I think there was a time I liked "Diasy" <--- cover up name. She was cute lol, i remember her changing hairstyle from long to short, so adorable ^^ What i liked about her then was that she was very lively and bubbly, always talking. Shes a very fun type of person, when you are with her you will never go bored. Shes short so that makes her very hug-able? Thinking about it now, i feel like Hugging her now and tell her what a wonderful friend she is. I am not the type of guy that talks alot and shes the opposite, so opposites attract? But its more of a crush la, like a short period of time, those shallow kind of puppy love. Shes still part of my life though, Dont know why we have this amazing affinity to end up in the same schools, Do you know we were born from the same hospital? LOL maybe shes connected to my life somehow hahaha. Well I am heading to army so she cant follow. HOW ABOUT GIRLS THAT LIKE ME?? I heard there was one, during lower primary, shes from Hong Kong. Errr shes not very errr good looking, What i remember is that she looked like those bird character in the warner brothers classic cartoons. The other more interesting one was this girl. What should I call her? Ling? Ok Ling was in the same class as me for many many years, even in the same sec school and SAME SEC CLASS during upper secondary. Hahaha shes another stalker o.O She sat beside me during one year of primary school, I forgot. Thats when she liked me she said. But she didnt reveal this then la, I only found she liked me at that time during secondary school when I accompanied her back home and we were having lunch at the coffee shop at Bukit Purmei. Theres more to her hahaha, but I will only reveal this in the future so i wont repeat myself *hint --------------OKOKOK THE END FOR THIS PRIMARY SCHOOL SEGMENT------------------------- Other NEED to know about my Pri school life:My neighbours up and down all are my classmates before. Dont know how to spell the chinese guys name, hes YQ. The other is my GOOD friend back then Salleh. We do everything together man, go buy potato chips after school, we were like brothers.I used to wait for him to go home everyday, even when he had PA duty to keep the mics and stuff after evening assembly. But i felt so bad taking his digimon cards, that day i asked if I could see his digimon card collection, he said ok and came to my house to show me. There was an unwanted pile he showed me, he asked if i wanted any. I SAID I WANTED ALL LOL, he gave me though i think there was regret in his eyes. I AM SOOO SORRY! I STILL HAVE SOME OF THEM! I miss my Primary school, most of the teachers that taught me already left and thats y i stopped going back during teachers day. To my other primary school buddies : RACHEL i saw u at ACJC open house and u IGNORED ME!! ALL THE BEST TO THE REST!! I forgot the school song though hahaha. RADINMAS PRIMARY SCHOOL Work and Play

PICS

2006-01-15T22:35:00.001-08:00

Thats me now, with my bro

Me again with my bro

My pri school science badges

My PRI MEDALS, *Bottom : 80m 3rd, Top : SKIPPING CHAMPION!!!!!! BEAT THAT FUCKERS

Thats me grad from Kindergarden

Thats me in pri school, lol my buspass

Thats me in my Bicycle *jealous right, i pwn u, i had wheels since young

The Beginning (part 7)

2006-01-15T21:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
Ok i try to cramp as much about the last years of my primary school life within these 2 entries. Who wants to know about young Pek anywae, he has Big glasses, hes skinny, he has short hair (number 1), he wears high socks ( either folded or rolled o.O), what a freak!! If i were to return back to that time, i will be the smartest and most well dressed kid!! I cant believe i wore the power ranger bag to school and thought it was cool, well my bro did the same thing so i guess we are both dumb.
I think i started to outgrow my bed already, the funny thing is, u know i share a room with my bro so our beds are in the same room parrallel to each other. Theres a gap between our beds, but me and my bro both have a damn bad habit, it seems that our beds were too small for our dreams. Quite frequent will we find ourselves falling over and sleeping on the floor in the morning! Lucky it never happened before when both of us fall ontop of each other *phew. My mother fixed the problem by putting another bed inbetween to "soften" our fall lol.
I dont know about all of you, but i have a favourite pillow, i cant sleep without it. I just got to smell it before i sleep, even today i had to smell my pillow first before sleeping. I can smell my pillow out from a pile and i just love the way it smelled, its SOoooooo ME! It was my friend, he was always there to comfort me in the middle of the night, providing warmth and a weapon to my nightmares. My current pillow has been with me since that davastating accident T_T. I was sick that day and it was time to sleep, i hugged my pillow to sleep as usual thinking tommorrow will be a better day. I woke up in the middle of the night, i got this feeling i got to puke so i sat up trying to rub my stomach, then it happened! MY PILLOW, I HAD TO SAVE IT, ITS MORE IMPT THAN ME!! SAVE IT please... When i knew i was going to puke all the crap out, i threw my pillow to safety, ITS SAFE!! But it all didnt end like this, there was another wave of PUKE creeping up my gullet at an extraordinary rate, it projected out of my mouth ontop my pillow!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooo that was the end, I killed my pillow, my pal since i was like 6 years old, good bye my friend...
Hmmmm i remember my school had a bird cage, a Big one, inside of course there were birds, chickens and ducks rather. I dont know what my class was thinking, they went to the principal to see if our class could adopt the cage!!! OMG i just got signed for bird poop collection?? My class were attached to the bird cage, feeding the chickens from the fence till they decided, "Hey since we love to feed the chickens, why dont we adopt it?" Well next time, the TERM WE has to be discussed really carefully ya? So began the task for cleaning and all the shit. Playing with the newly hatched chicken was fun at first though, till you hold them and they poop at your pants. I think one of them was blacky cause DUH it was black -.- One class tried to compete with us and wanted to adopt the cage too, if u ask me, I WELCOME THEM. Unfortunately, my class objected and it lead to confrontation. I couldnt remember much about it, the class was a younger and was from the tail end classes (bird brains they think alike), one of them was an AH BENG, I stood up to him i remember after seeing him trying to raise his voice at Jasmine ^^ hahaha *flex
Enough about birds, that period was also the time when IT was introduced into our classrooms. You cant give children too much freedom i tell you, AFTER SCHOOL, WOOOO STARCRAFT LAN PARTY. Everyday after school, never fail. I sucked at it though, always got beaten by my other class guys. Besides starcraft, Championship managers were also installed lol. I remember one of my classmate didnt study chinese so he spent his time in the same class playing CM3 while the lesson was going on. We would signal to him if we wanted to buy players and peaked when its our team up for matches. Of course we got into trouble, one of our starcraft disc got confiscated, till today its still with the teacher i think LOL. I got into trouble with my mother too, got quite a beating when i returned home so late after school hahaha, "one more game lehz"
The 6B class tried to copy us by installing games too, but their games were so gay, WHO PLAYS SONIC WHEN U GOT STARCRAFT, they seriously need a life.
Talking about the 6B class, they seriously got a problem with us, i think its because we keep kicking their ass in studies from way back when we were primary 5 6. They tried to out do us but end up emulating, i remember the young scientist badge thingy. The stuff whereby u need to complete a number of task before u are awarded a badge from the science center? Well our Form teacher had this idea to break the school record of the most number of badges awarded to a class that year. Guess what the B class ppl had the same idea after we broke the record as well!!! woooooo how original , seriously they can lick my ass.

OKI OKI thats all for today, enjoy the pics ya? I will be back with more soon, stay in touch. PEKKY OUT!!

The Beginning (part 6)

2006-01-12T00:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
To My mother " I love you no matter WHAT!!" *muacks

Primary school is all about growing up, new environment, new friends, new subjects to study. Its all fun, the schooling part that is. I guess ppl at that age usually cant wait to go home but I on the other hand was a total opposite...

Going home for me was actually quite painful, literally. Well let me introduce u to none other than my WONDERFUL MUM. Well just a short intro about her, judging by her younger photos, shes cute^^ but her ways have gone far from that range of Cute. Its the best interest of all Mothers to care for their child, nothing is ever stronger than the bond between mother and child. Well ok enough about the good stuff ya?
Torture isnt a very good word to use, how about "Its for your own good?". My father being a working person always leaves in the morning and come home only at night so, the responsibilty of taking care of the children was in her hands. But from as far as I know, her hands were either holding onto a cane or a text book T_T Like all Kiasu Mums still existing today, getting Top 20 just wont cut it, worst if u score all 70s. Primary school, and I think most of you would agree with me is, If u dont get Top5, or Get 90s, pray for Thicker skin ya??
* I am a bit bias here cause u know being in the Top class and all...
So let the rebellion begin. I HATED my mum at that time, she was KING, i cant over power her, I so SMALL, i cant outrun her, my Legs are too short and i cant out shout her, havnt gone through puberty so my voice = mouse. She was the slave driver, the ultimate nightmare. U see my house is just OPPOSITE my school( i love at bukit purmei) and so after school SHE will BE THERE WATCHING. Like an eagle stalking its prey. She could SEE my every move as i walk home, any delays springs endless questions and most probably the weapon.
Here are some of the "regulations"
1) come on immediately after school ( she can see so i cant get pass that )
2) bedtime = 8 pm, at most 9 pm
3) no staying over at friends house
4) Subject assessments *tons of them
5) CHINESE SPELLING EVERYDAY!!! <----- i seriously cannot make it
Failure to abide my the rules would lead to caning.
Weapon of choice:
1) Every replacable and damn CHEAP cane bought from the nearby grocery store.
2) the Clothes Hanger thats hanging all around.

Sometimes a parent must understand a child's intellectual abilities ya? Try to stand in our shoes. Well no goin to happen in my case. Wrong Chinese character = whack, and i get that alot. Chinese seriously has a major problem with me, i learn 5 words and forgot the last 5 i learned. I got drilled everyday for chinese, i got like 9+ books on them every year, close passages SUCK!! Most of my "Quality time" with my mother was spent learning chinese, so much so that I GOT INTO THE HIGHER CHINESE STREAM, or EMI. Quite hard to believe for someone WHO FAILS CHINESE SPELLING occasionally and even got BOTTOM of the class ON MAJOR CHINESE EXAMS ( NUMEROUS OCCASION). * ok some credit goes to my mother for force injecting chinese into my brain.

My brother had the same treatment, there was no escape. He was more violent though, me i just stand there or sit there let my mother whack. My bro on the other hand fought back some times, throwing the cane OUT of the windown WOOT, or he being stronger broke the cane into smaller bits. <--- trust my bro to do the dirty work. There were days that i had cane marks that bruised my skin >< Well i tried coming up with new ways and methods to block her blows, like sitting at one corner of the sofa ( reduce my back to attacks), Using my hands to cover my thighs ( protect my thigh area from pinches), Lowering my head ( reduce surface area to my body), sit crossed legged ( refuce surface area to my legs). All these methods appear useful and effective LOL. *kids take note.

Beatings were daily affairs, i had no life, didnt go out with friends except to nearby coffeeshops, theres not one day i went home w/o my mother staring from above ( our flat faces the school gates), daily routine = study till bedtime, tv time = zero except for weekends and the rare good mood days, TUITION every weekend (CHINESES!!!!) i got that every year without fail. But i dont blame her, ITS FOR My OWN GOOD REMEMBER?? FUCK YOU

But kudos to my mother, it was only recently that i learnt that during pri school, she stayed up late at night to learn the chinese chapters so she could teach me tommorrow. She doesnt have a good chinese background and i guess she was as clueless as me. But never fail would she write the PinYing above the words she thinks i do not know. Shes truely amazing.

*AS FOR THE OTHER SUBJECT, take it as i am gifted in them can?? I didnt really have a problem with them, especially science which i pwn everyone in LOL I remember the assessment books the school buys, they usually take the ans page out rite? well my mother ALWAYS buy THE EXACT SAME BOOK, and thus i always get the correct ans for EVERY question WAHAHAHAHA, To all those who didnt do the same thing, U ARE DUMB.

Well thats it for now.... stay tune for more primary school action! *installing starcraft in school computers, crushes and much much more!!!

Heres a story:

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD answered......

"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.

I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all
circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and
to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him
unfalteringly....

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and !
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.

She is special!
Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.

But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a
wonderful thing a woman is.
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step
gets easier.

Love your Mother Always

and keep her Smiling

Beginning (part 5)

2006-01-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

I made a big decision a little while ago.
I dont remember what it was, which probably goes to show
That many times a simple choice can prove to be essential
Even though it often might appear inconsequential.

I must have been distracted when i left my home because
Left or right I'm sure I went. ( I wonder which it was!)
Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction
Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection.

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray.
And that is how i got to where I find myself today.

[Just a wonderful thought before i continue my life journey]

The Beginning (part 4)

2006-01-02T15:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

In the segment of my life, i shall share with you my primary school experiences. 6 years of compulsory education or else face jail term.( I knew how to Swim already by the age of 5 hahaha suckers). My coach? Hes GAME OF crocodile was HIM chasing me or else he would drown me! I hated that so much till i could swim fast. Well hes just some big built man my mother met while taking me to the pool at my grandma place. AND NO THEY DIDNT HAVE AN AFFAIR. Back then it was filled with memories of the old MAC computers that were so troublesome, CHEAP FOOD that cost less than a dollar but most importantly it was about the first batch of friends that till now i still am close to. PPL like Yinxian, Yanling, Samuel, Pauline etc I love you guys ^^

"Pictures u take with ur Camera wont last forever, but if u take a Snapshort with your heart, that memory becomes forever"

I attended 2 primary schools, my first half of my primary one year i spent it at Fuhua Primary school when i was still staying at Jurong. The uniform was disgusting though, BROWN! and the school badge was printed on my shirt which u must be blind not to see it from a distance. I remember my dad fetches me to school every morning and me waiting for my dad to pick me up everyday after school since i was in the afternoon class. Not much i can remember though, i forgot to bring my school bag once (i left the house without it -.-) and the assembly wasnt in any parade square, i think those are for the older kids cause i never really seen them. We primary one children lined up in the corridoors on the ground floor, i remember the rectangular beach tiles clearly in my mind.
And of course there was Clara. She was my partner assigned to me. She was the first girl i ever held hands ( it was complusory ). I remember her wearing pink glasses and always carrying with her a pink water bottle, her fair complexion( she was eurasian?) and her bubbly smile. Come to think of it, theres no place she wont go without me haha, She has a crush on me maybe o.O She lined up with me every morning, always making her way next to me although we could sit with anybody else, i always had to wait for her outside the toilet offering the hold on to her water bottle and wallet everytime. And there was this once while waiting i walked to the near by canteen to get some jelly or something that i returned to find poor Clara crying, she said she couldnt find me. I kind of enjoyed her company though, she wasnt talkative, all she did was make little comments and let her eyes and smile did all the talking.
Well the day came when my family had to move house again, this time moving from the west to the south, at Bukit Purmei RD. Moving house meant moving school as well, i was admitted to Radin Mas Primary School but i got the chance to say my last good bye when my father brought me along to collect my report book. I had to say my last goodbye infront of the class, thats when i caught her eyes, I remember the sad look on Clara's face as i glanced pass her. Another memorable moment was Micheal, one of the more outspoken one in the class standing up and saying goodbye, i was very touched, i cried on my way out, leaving behind short but sweet memories, leaving behind Clara. She was the first girl to ever have such innocence feelings for me, hope shes doing alright now.

I started out in the class of 1C in Radin Mas, my school was just directly opposite my house. I shall not touch on much during the first few years though, not very exciting haha, just me being naughty and mischievious in school. I remember during primary 1 this DAMN CHINESE TEACHER SCOLDED ME AND SAID I WAS GOIN TO BE A CONSTRUCTION WORKER! i cried LOL, it was pretty harsh at that time. I remember my favorite class was CHINESE!! WOOT CHINESE, well not for the language of course, it was for the ghost stories from my chubby male chinese teacher. Tales of the haunted Radin Mas and more just captured my attention everytime and I am certain everyone else in my class feel the same way, not because he was actually taking up lesson time for his ambition in storytelling. Oh and i remember Stanley, yup he was my parnter in crime, we always got into trouble and had to stand outside the office or something. We competed in almost everything and he came out with the idea of drawing lines on the LONG rectangular TABLES we sit on to separate YOUR SPACE FROM MINE.
Upper Primary was much more fun, this was the time that i was starting to get to know more of my friends and myself. I found out that girls are much taller than us guys because of puberty haha, i was quite short then. I joined the basketball team though there was no competition, my lust for basketball was due to my father, he introduced me the game since i was around 4, he ALWAYS USE his BIG BUTT to block me from snatching the BALL, CHEATER! From then on i always had a part in any ball related competition. Well i cant really write out all the friends i made from the class of 4a,5a and 6a. Radin Mas had a morning and afternoon class but i switched from afternoon to morning cause of my brother, u see primary 5 was fixed at only afternoon classes due to Primary 6 being also fixed at morning (WAIT WAIT I MAYBE WRONG ON THE TIME I SWITCHED CLASSES). Switching class was fun, i could make more friends,i was the few that actually made friends from both 4a and 4aa.And i could be in the same class as my Couson, yup it seems that my whole paternal side of the family had their children send to Radin Mas, PPL DIDNT BELIEVE that Calvin WAS my couson lol, we spent every Sunday PLAYING soccer in the void deck and basketball in the court with all my other cousons and my brother.
There was always rivary between the afternoon and the morning classes of the same standard, like (4a,4aa. 5a,5b. 6a,6b), those from 4aa mostly went to 5b and 6b while i and the original batch of 4a ppl went over to 5a and 6a. We competed IN STUDIES LIKE CRAZY, taking turns to slap each other in the face after each major examination. I must say my primary 4 year was my best, i TOP SCIENCE IN THE WHOLE DAMN LEVEL!!!! YES I DID I TOPPED IT AND I WAS AMONG TOP 10!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*ahem

But the top overall was always the same ppl, SO BORING, there were always Leon, Samuel, Irene blah blah, i can only remember those as they were from my original batch of 3a that went up to 5a and 6a. Back then getting 70s WAS HELL, 80s was average and disappointing and 90s doesnt guarrantee u a spot in the top 10. Being in the best class has its pressure.

Ok i shall STOP now lol, its getting pretty long, stay tune though for more on my PRIMARY 5 and 6 days, THE PSLE and the women of my nightmares at that time, MY MOTHER T_T. Also more on the girls i liked hahaha till then tatatatata

The Beginning (part 3)

2006-01-01T02:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Well theres always a first time for everything they say, this time i will share my early years as a student.

I was one of the few batches of kids that went to nursery before going to kindergarden. I remember the days leading from nursery to kindergarden was like stepping into a whole new world, a world outside my own house. I attended Nursery when i was still staying in the Landed Property and Kindergarden when we moved all the way to Jurong to a HDB flat.
My house at Jurong was simpler, maybe it was because my father ran into some money problems, we had a Bar at home, Rubber flooring and I finally got to sleep on a BED. I got my first Iron burn when i though the iron was something cool to hold, i cried of course. I got Clipped by a file binder( the clamp type), my mother was washing the clothes while i was sitting at the Bar. I remember not crying, i wanted to show my mum i was brave, i just sat there silently bearing the pain and waited for my mother who came rushing to help me.
I had my first birthday AND SADLY MY ONLY celebration TILL TODAY that ever involve me singing infront of a CAKE with my family. It was pandan in flavour and i grew to like that flavour much to the pleasure of my parents cause its always the cheapest cake there is to buy.

I didnt cry on my first day of school, i was elated and eager, i was brave, not like those cry babies. I think since young i always had a THING for new stuff, New bag, New pencil cases, New shoes. I hated the food there, all the different different kinds of biscuit they give, i especially like the one coated with sugar! But i love the sugar so much that all i did was bite off the sugar part and threw the biscuit part of it BACK INTO THE JAR.And i cant believe i got NO MILK! They were for underweight ppl ONLY! Nap Time was meant for me to disturb other ppl from sleeping and play time was about me hogging the slide.

I remember there was an accident at the playground whereby a boy fell and hit his head, my teacher cheated us by telling us that when he fell, there was a hole in his head and all the sand went in. Cant believe i even BUY that!

My brother had his first hand in becoming a businessman, at that time, the DRAGONBALL comics was the THING to read and so what my brother did was asked my father to bring the comics to work and PHOTOCOPY THEM so he could sell them to his friends!!! Hahaha Thats not all that he did, i remember he was being punished for being naughty and was asked to stand outside the Kindergarden, my brother being SO smart, WALKED HOME!!! the teacher was so worried she called my parents to find my brother safely at home LOL

As i mentioned, this period of time is filled of first times, first time i took the school bus home, first time i SHIT in my PANTS and tried to hide it during school hours. Yup, i remember there was even POOP on my chair and i just sat there till the teacher walking past smelled something bad. My first argument with the teacher, and EVEN NOW I STILL THINK I AM RIGHT! The teacher asked us to colour and she was explaining to US what are the colours we could use to color the HUMAN SKIN. SHE MENTIONED BROWN AND YELLOW, i was thinking WHO the FUCK colours ppl YELLOW???? (ignore the FUCK part) I asked why not we colour them orange instead and i insisted i USE orange to colour. What happen next was i got my own place next to the wall, what a spoiler that bitch! I STILL THINK WE CAN COLOUR THEM ORANGE!

Other things i remember was seeing a boy pee in his pants on the way home by himself, the usual FAT CAT near balcony, the phonecards on the floor which i collect on the way home (my first hobby), the guy who still wears pampers to school even till K2 (what a loser!) THE FLOODING OF JURONG!!! WOOT the flooding was so fun, me being short, the water lvl was 3/4 to my knees, it was SO FUN hahaham i didnt even care that it was muddy, i just played in the rain. It was soo cool!

Oh and finally, My first crush, i clearly remember her in my mind, and her name too. Jasmine. What a wonderful name for a first crush, she was taking the same school bus as me. I remember her always sitting just about 2 seats infront of me, facing the window. She was so cute, her eyes and her smile, she was the first angel my young eyes ever gazed upon. I never did talk to her, she was in another class i presume, all i did was stare from a distance and not knowing what to do or what i was feeling everytime she caught my eyes. My bus ride was always enjoyable and sadly too short. Yup, Jasmine, my first crush, wonder where she is now. SIGH

Well thats all i think for my early school days, in the next installment, stay tune for more about PRIMARY SCHOOL!!! More embarrasing moments, more smiles and more boring crap tatata i gonna play DOTA or WOW now.

The Beginning (part 2)

2005-12-31T03:32:00.000-08:00

I hope my memory doesnt fail me, so spare me if i miss out a few years lol

I doubt anybody will remember those early years so i intend to skip. I am looking at all the baby photos, i was really chubby and cute, while writing this (maybe i will post some), i dont tink i even remember having a brother when i was like 1-2 years old (i mean i know theres this guy besides me but brother wasnt in my vocab) or even the circular block i was staying there at that time. I guess my brain started recording when we moved to Landed property at upper Thomsan Rd.
HAHA i clearly remember those days, innocent days. Our house was 2 stories, it was BIG ( well i was small so throw in the scale factor), the stairs to the second floor was like the forbidden area, i couldnt climb up no matter how hard i try, IT WAS JUST TOO HIGH. But try as i may, i always like to hang around there, touching its smooth cloth finishing, it was very comfortable leaning on it haha. I remember my mother putting a barrier or something to my favorite place, as i started gaining experience in the area of climbing, DAMN it.
I had a maid, i think it was 2, my mother told me i caught chicken pox from one of them, IT WAS SO SERIOUS i had to be admitted to hospital as i developed a HIGH fever. And if u guys watch TV, babies with HIGH fever dont actually come out very bright or normal for that matter. Come to think of it, that MAID ALMOST KILLED ME! KNN ccb or even made me a vegetable -.- thank god i was saved!!!
(lets take into account that the chicken pox really did had an effect on my intellect)
OMG imagine how smart i would BE! wahahahahahahahah

*ahem

Ok i had a pond outside, it even had a mini waterfall of some sort, my father seems to keep buying back fishes, all of different colours. Kids play with playdough, i have my waterfall ^^
but its not all good with the waterfall, having fun as a kid can be pretty sadistic and evil. I guess it was this afternoon my brother and i decided to try out some new tricks besides the usual hide and seek, or "you hit me i hit you" that kind of games. My brave brother used his hands to scope a fish out, it was a goldfish, it was all splasing about and shit, dying perhaps. The next thing he did was to position the fish ontop of the fountain in SUCH A WAY, that the fish gets a free roller coaster ride (try to imagine). Well i was just standing there, i HAD no invovlment, well thats how i remember it anywae so SCREW YOU. Anywae, the process was repeated, until that fish err, died? We just left it there in the pond floating for my father to find when he came back from work. I guess in summary, i had a hand in killing a living thing when i was just a child, not a very good start huh.
Other examples of our fish adventures, featuring our newly found EGG BEATER. I leave the imagining to you, i give u a hint though, imagine egg beating in a bowl? Get the Picture? Ya ok.

When theres day, theres night. No i did not sleep on a Bed, No theres no cradle, No not in a bedroom. Lol lost? Believe it or not, i slept on the cold marble floor. Wait, i wasnt acutally sleeping on the floor, the flooring was to expensive. I slept on A PLASTIC SHEET ON THE FLOOR. Wonder why? Babies poop, i mean, we cant really control it right? we are like puppies, peeing and shitting as and when we want. My mother thinks shes so SMART, Nooooo i didnt get PAMPERS, I HAD A PLASTIC SHEET UNDER ME! WTF, just so she doesnt need to clean up after me, she devised a way to clear my poop by just wrapping it up when i actually poop in the middle of the night. If u havnt catch the hidden meaning:
Imagine: baby shits/pee + sleep = Sleeping with TOOT
Cant really blame my Mum, raising a child is a lot of work and stess, guess i can forgive her for letting me sleep in such harsh conditions T_T

Oh and my neighbour, Yup i can still remember how he looks like. Hes house was just to the Right of mine. Didnt really spent much time at his house after THAT INCIDENT. He invited us over to his place to play his playdough set, making stuff with funny funny shapes with all the moulds. And guess what, my Brother broke his playset, and that ended our friendship with that neighobur of mine.

Hmmm now i should be eligible for schooling. Stay tune for more ya??

The Beginning

2005-12-31T03:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
This is Pek Kim Yew. I was at first every spectical about writing my own blog, I thought it was kind of gay and stuff but i have given it some thought and so here i am pening down my thoughts. I tink its time i write some where the life experiences i have gone through, all the ups and downs, the emotions i felt. And also this gives me a chance to open up to my friends, i guess u dont really know someone really well, or even call urself his or her friend unless u truely are able to understand and see things from that person's point of view, if u are able to do that after reading my blog then you are definitely a friend of mine.
Lol its the 31 dec 2005, kind of weird to be writing the first entry to my blog since I should be out there counting down to the new year. Well, i am stuck at home with little pocket money to get out of the house, so i guess I should start unfolding my life to you.
But of course every life has a beginning, one look back, you would be amazed at extend you have grown, how far you have come since your infant days. And it isnt just the Big events like graduations that mark your life, its the little things that happen every now and then that actually mould a person. My life may not be some hollywood movie but its what i got, and i intend to share it with the friends i have, hope you guys have fun reading it.
Well here goes...